LO falling in love with their caregiver?

pennydreadful

Hi all, 

(new here)

Has anyone had experience with their LO (parent) falling for their caregiver? I've read this is not uncommon and it makes sense, but I'm not sure how to handle the situation. His wife is still alive but due to her own health issues and MCI/early dementia, really hasn't had the initiative to spend time with him in memory care or be there in the way he needs. Enter a (great) new female caregiver that spends 4 hrs 5 days a week, is really lovely with him. 

I want to make sure the caregiver sticks around and try to foster ongoing relationship with his wife.  Recently I've arranged for the caregiver to bring him down to the AL floor my stepmom lives on for visits, and I of course attempt to reorient him, but am well aware rational explanations aren't super helpful.  

Thoughts and insights would be much appreciated

Iris L.

It is not unusual for any patient to develop feelings for a caregiver or nurse or  health care provider.  But it is completely inappropriate for a caregiver or nurse or any health care provider to return such feelings or to encourage them.  Many PWDs think of romance or intimacy in situations that they normally would not.    Be careful that the caregiver does not take advantage.  Other members will have ideas on how to handle this.  

Iris

Cynbar

A good caregiver with training in dementia should be able to handle this. But even with that said, you need to keep a close eye on the situation. Make sure the caregiver is not encouraging him, either for her own ego or in hopes of getting something out of it. He's in memory care, so he probably doesn't have access to money, credit cards, bank accounts, etc., but make sure.  Caregivers do sometimes befriend an elderly person and then start telling him sad stories about their poor mother who can't pay for her meds, or their sick child --- you get the picture. Talk to the caregiver, see if she is aware of this and what her approach is. If she doesn't seem on top of it, you may need to find a new caregiver.

DrinaJGB

In the therapy world this is referred to as transference.It is very common. For the career to return such feelings,however,  would be completely unethical.

  The person giving the care should not have to be prodded into not returning those feelings, but as a professional would ultimately know not engage in that at all through appropriate training.

  However, there are those who would take advantage of such a scenario, so I would at least be aware of what is taking place and nip it in the bud if any red flags start waving.

MN Chickadee

It's common for a PWD to forget who their spouse is and believe it is someone else for a time. There were a few months when my mother thought another resident at the facility was her husband and it caused him to think the same and they thought they were married. It was harmless (well, for them. It is painful to watch for the family when a spouse of many years is forgotten, but they can't help it.) When that resident moved she didn't do it again. She sometimes knows my dad when he visits, often knows his name and that he is her husband but it comes and goes. If the caregiver is experienced with dementia and as long as nothing bad comes from the situation such as her taking financial advantage or inappropriate touching I wouldn't worry too much about it.