The Move.

4PawDriver

Hello Everyone - This is my first post on the forum after reading many of the posts here over the prior three months - so many have been incredibly helpful to me and my DH as we navigate discussions with his Mom who was formally diagnosed this spring. 

While she is amenable to moving to be closer to us (she was 'honored' that we would want her to be nearby), we were advised that the timing should be sooner due to her need for additional support & a general concern that moving her now would be better than waiting as she is still quite capable of navigating most daily activities on her own (bathing, dressing, basic meal preparation) & just needs some support from a (paid) companion to prompt other activities.

We have identified a great AL community for her and all other bits and pieces are in place (POA, financial plan, etc). The bump in the road for her is the timing and she is very focused on how she will deal with all of her "stuff", friends left behind, finding new doctors, etc. She has acknowledged she will need help and while we reassure her we will be there to do this - she gets stuck on "all the stuff". We are growing concerned that she won't want to move.

I could use advice on how to help her through this portion of the process. For now, our approach has been to listen, acknowledge and reassure. We are also enlisting the help of her primary care doctor whom she has been seeing for 30+ years and trusts without hesitation. 

Thank you for reading and your words of wisdom,

jfkoc

Your mother may, no probably, have reservations about moving. I has got to be frightening for her. It sounds like your are doing a good job by listening and reassuring her. It might also help if  you have a check list so that she can see how everything is being taken care of.

Cynbar

It's wonderful that you want to do this for your mother-in-law, I'm not surprised that she is honored. Keep in mind that you are all transitioning to a time when she can be less involved in rational decision making. There may be some signs of that already, since she has been officially diagnosed. Executive function is often one of the first things to be affected. Anyway, I suggest that you and your husband gently take over the timeline. Decide between yourselves how long you should give her to prepare, probably not too long but you know her best. Then, set a date with the AL. A good thing to tell her is that a unit is available on such and such a date, and you have to grab it since you don't know what future availability might be. Then, make the arrangements while continuing the reassurance. I guess my point is to not expect her to he the prime decision maker here, she likely can't process all that now. Plus, a big change is hard at any age, she's going to need a push to get this done.