Adult child seeking advice

LaurieY89

My Mom aged 84 has Alzheimer's, is still living at home with my Dad who's 82. She still knows us (so grateful) but is incontinent and sleeps most of the day.

My Dad basically does everything but he needs help so we have a home care agency in  twice a week for help with laundry, meals, etc. 

I think we need nursing in the home to help my Mom with a rash (she has difficulty wiping herself) and her toenails need cutting. She refuses to let my Dad check her, and her PCP is concerned. My Dad is passive and is still letting her run the show, like she always did. Also, my Dad makes dinner but kind of leaves her to make her own breakfast and lunch, so it's not really healthy and she's obese.

The barrier is my poor Dad. He is very private and it took forever to get just the 2 days a week of home help. He says he'll tell us kids when he feels he can't handle things anymore, but meanwhile my Mom could benefit from more help. 

All my friends say it's time for a nursing home but 1) it's not my decision to make and 2) Covid.

They are in SE Mass, and there are no geri psychiatrists anywhere to be found that are taking new patients. 

Any advice welcome. 

Thank you, 

Laurie

Stuck in the middle

My father didn't want help running his life either.  However, he was very protective of my mother and listened to her PCP.  If the PCP had suggested to him that he was neglecting his wife by failing to permit nursing care and leaving her susceptible to an infection, he would have gotten nursing care.

LaurieY89

Thank you, he does listen to her PCP. I'll contact her again about this.