Whiplash

RobertsBrown

Hi Gang,

I really do try to bring something to this forum, and when I read some of the stuff I put up when I was still emotional about it, I often regret it.  It's not that I think a good vent is a bad thing, I just try to find something useful to bring to y'all.

This last week has had some good moments, and I find myself thinking I should share a good thing that happened...and then a bad thing happens that totally erases my enthusiasm.  This keeps happening, and because we tend to be isolated, and because posting here is apparently part of our process, well...we think about posting stuff, don't we?

The whiplash is what is on my mind right now.  How my spouse can be serene and happy, and even display appreciation (!) such that I think things aren't so bad...and then she's wondering around the yard in her skivvies, tells me she doesn't eat food, or doesn't live here, or tells me I used to be nicer, or smarter, or better looking. (the last 3 may actually be true) At least the shock value is gone. There were a lot of years of 'maybe something's wrong', and 'maybe it's getting worse'. It was almost a relief when we finally went into full-blown mind damage mode. 

Frankly, this life is an affection desert, and I try to be a hardy cactus.  Any little hint of appreciation and I soak it up, but they are becoming quite rare.

So...back and forth we go.  There were some really good moments this week, honest there were.  I am just having a hard time remembering what they were.

LadyTexan

Good morning Robert.

I completely understand the Whiplash. It was like that here too. Now the moments of appreciation are rare. The moments of joy and times of laughter are less frequent, but much more special.

The road is unpredictable but there are still good moments and wins. Those moments are precious.

Best wishes to all. May your days have good moments.

Paris20

Whiplash is a good term to describe what happens when we’re dealing with a spouse with dementia. There are rare moments when my husband seems almost normal, like his old self. It’s at times like those that I start second-guessing my own behavior. Should I have asked the neurologist to increase DH’s meds or am I overreacting to the problem? Did I exaggerate my husband’s behavior when I told my children what Dad had done and said? Am I complaining for good reason or am I just a crank looking for sympathy?

Then I’m jerked back into reality. That’s the whiplash. DH asks when we’re leaving his mother’s house. She’s been gone since 1994. He asks for his brother, also dead. He wants to know which of our kids is visiting us now, or when we’re leaving this hotel, or when we have to go back to work (we retired in 2009). When he falls or if he feels frustrated in any way he becomes verbally violent, saying the most vile things to me and to his aide. I just wish there were a neck brace for this kind of whiplash.

Buggsroo

Whiplash is an apt expression.

I sort became prepared for it when my mother started making conversational hairpin turns in her late seventies. My husband does it now as well. Main difference: my mother is as sharp as a tack, whereas my husband has dementia.

Because it is Thanksgiving here in Canada, we have the Monday off. My husband left me one of his very funny sarky notes saying the stores were closed tomorrow. I laughed long and hard, he knows me so well. Then he explained he was being helpful. I felt sad, he was not being sarcastic or funny. Hence the whiplash. I miss his old sense of humour. This disease takes no prisoners.

DrinaJGB

I regret nothing. If we are both alive at the end of the day I consider it to be a win. This is war.

Joydean

I like the “whiplash “ I’ve been saying it feels like someone pulled the rug out from under me. My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for 2 years now, and it feels like a life time. I take care of him by myself, because I love him and we have been married nearly 52 years. But watching him change from day to day is the hardest thing ever! He does have days when things seem so normal, I almost forget this horrible disease, and then he will say something so far away that I have to stop and take a deep breath and know there will never be a normal life again.

Davegrant

Everything I read on this message board  is helpful to me but some thoughts hit harder.  Whip lash hit me between the eyes. For three years I have been wondering if what I am seeing with my DW is Dementia or I am just imagining the situation or mixing in marriage relationship conflicts. My confusion  may  also stems from a initial lack of a professional diagnosis and added to that my lack of confidence in what I am seeing and experiencing with my DW .I am glad to read that others are experiencing these same doubts and that many behaviors are on a spectrum rather than a total change.

AENJIG

I just thought to myself this morning I felt like I had whiplash. My husband is in early stage but some days are pretty crazy and I have no experience with this! The posts here make me feel like maybe I've found a place that might be helpful for me. Yay! I need someone to talk to....

French

Whiplash in French is « coup du lapin » literally « rabbit hit »

This term comes from a practice which consisted in killing the rabbit by a direct blow behind the neck.

Yes crushed isn’t here and we need somebody to replace him. I won’t be as serious as he is

DJnAZ

Whiplash is a perfect way to describe most days of my wife's mild to moderate cognitive impairment. I never know what is coming or when. Good or bad. Unfortunately it is the new normal. I realize I need to appreciate the increasingly rare good times and try to understand the others. Whiplash really sums it up!

ElsieZ

I am so grateful for having found this group.   My husband is recently diagnosed very closely on the heels of chemotherapy and radiation, and i thought maybe we were dealing with "chemo brain".  but looking back, the last (at least) year i have been thinking that he was being passive aggressive by always saying "i don't know" when asked practically anything.   i realize now, he truly didn't know.   i am so very sad about this, my daughter and her family who i spent hours and hours every week with got transferred 3500 miles away in the middle of this.   very cruel disease.  thank you all for being here!

Stella Luna

RobertsBrown,

You describe my situation perfectly. I went from having a loving, appreciative DH for 10 days to being jerked back to full delusion mode, agitation, screaming! Just when you think Seroquel is helping you regain some sense of “normal” life the next day everything goes haywire and you have to pick up the pieces…..

I was going to get a massage and my DH is agitated, delusional thinking I was going to have an affair. 

Diane123

Robert, this was so very well expressed. I’m happy you went through and wrote it. You said what I have wanted to. 

My husband is easy going but hugely changed by this disease. And so I follow…being changed by this disease. The past few months have me wondering if I should place him.  But I still think I can handle it until his incontinence gets me down! And so I live between a rock and a hard place… neither one good. 

I’m afraid, lonely, sad and the thought of putting him in MC freezes me into inaction. I feel like I’m the one to change since he cannot. If I could hang on to the good moments and stop feeling sorry for myself during the bad times, that may help… but at this point I don’t know how. 

Diane