Finding meaning

Whyzit

Taken from Daily Comforts for caregivers by Pat Samples and reading for October 10:

“I wonder why I’ve ended up as a caregiver. It seems so strange. This is not what I had planned for my life. It has demanded far more of me than I ever imagined I could endure. Why is this happening?

I know there are no easy answers to this question but it’s important for me to find some meaning in this experience. Otherwise I’ll go crazy. Maybe there’s no specific “reason “ for this happening at all. Maybe it’s meaning is what I decide it to be. I can view this caregiving experience as my calling, at least for this part of my life. I’ve been asked to do it, and I’ve chosen to say yes. I am where I belong for now. The experience is changing me. I am finding new strengths and uncovering weaknesses. I am learning who I can count on. I am gaining a clearer sense of what matters to me.

My life has more meaning because I am a caregiver.”

Just wondering, How were you asked to be a caregiver? Are you where you belong for now?

RanchersWife

Those words are very relevant to me. There are times in my life they would have rung true and times they would have made me mad... like now. I struggled greatly at the beginning, found my peace, and am struggling again. 

I care for my mother in law. I’ve hit a wall. It’s caused us to bring in caregivers and my husband to take on more care duties. Our lives were basically ok as long as I was ok. As long as I could do what I needed to do for her an my kids, we could work together. Now I’m struggling to get back to ok so that my husband and I are happy with each other. I’ve always known this point would come but it doesn’t seem like he did. He’s stronger, more determined and more driven than I am. So everything is changing as my mil declines faster and faster. She’s become combative (just rammed me with the freaking walker) sleeps less, paces, wails,...  This behavior is incredibly difficult for me. The caregivers are giving me a break but are not having a calming effect in her. So when I am with her I have more behavior to deal with. 

Lemonwood

Thank you Whyzit for your thought provoking quote.  Yes, I am where I am supposed to be right now and know I am learning things I probably need to learn.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult and that I don’t rail in my private mind about the injustice and sadness.  And there are some blessings.  I am seeing an uninhibited side of my sister and she is more free to let others see her unique sense of humor, quick wit and human side.  She is more ‘real and free’ and I admire that.  We can laugh to the point of happy tears and silliness of our childhood.  I have her now and try and remember to savor that when the 50 questions are repeated for the 50th time.  

Ranchers Wife.  You’ve been at this longer than I have and yet I think I can identify with the roller coaster you are on.  I hope you have some quiet moments to recoup some of your strength.  Sounds like it s really tough.  Maybe it’s harder for your husband to see what the future is bringing for his mother…..because she is his mother?  Maybe it will hit him harder later?  Regardless, this is a journey that brings new challenges for my husband’s and my relationship too.  All we can do is keep talking and sharing and all of us supporting each other.

Space within

Whyzit Thank you for sharing the daily comforts literature and thoughts.

I took a small part in caring for my mom, who had a form of FTD. 

At the beginning of the illness, I was stuck inside my mind- possibliy denial and ignorance of what she was experiencing, as she really seemed like she was all there most of the times.   I was asked through the heartache I felt when I lived so far away and she no longer felt comfortable talking on the phone.    

There were times I had difficulty understanding why I was the one child, out of my sibilings that seemed to be taking the most action in helping her in the journey.   I learned a great deal about myself, my parents and how I show up in my relationships through caregiving.  

 So many times I was torn, wanting to run from it and go life my life like all my sibilings were doing, but there was no way I could leave my mom alone. ( even if I was possibly a new friend every time I went to visit her . ).   We were each other's angel.  My Dad too. He did all he possibly could to care for her.  

I am grateful for all my time spent caring for and being their for my Mom.  I am exactly where I am suppose to be.   

Arrowhead

I wasn’t asked to be a caregiver. When we learned that my wife had Alzheimer’s it automatically became my responsibility. This is not the way I imagined for us to be living during our retirement years but here we are. Family and friends are always telling me how wonderful it is that I take so good care of her. The truth of the matter is that I have no choice. When I married her, it was for better or for worse. We lived through the better and now we are living through the worse. For now, I’m exactly where I belong; helping her as best as I can for as long as I can.