I don't know what to do.(1)

Link78

My mother has had a personality change and her short term memory is almost  non existent anymore. My Dad, brother and I tried about 4 years ago to approach her about her memory possibly seeking help when we noticed it and she went off angrier on us than I can ever remember in my life. So, it just became something we all didn't talk about and just worked around. Now it's  even gotten worse. My father does the heavy lifting always being there supporting her while my brother and I are secondary. She is nowadays almost totally dependent on my father. We, my dad brother and I  built up enough courage to get her to agree to an appointment for a memory test at her general practitioner and the Dr said she scored a 22 on her memory test and dropped it like that. I tried to explain the situation with her memory and concerns but it felt like it fell of deaf ears.  I don't know what to do. I worry all the time for her and my father.  My father seems angry all the time now at little things and I can see and feel my mother slowly drift away. I'm crying as I'm typing this and I just feel lost and don't know what to do.

Quilting brings calm

Link 

There’s not really a lot to do in terms of treating it.  Memory medication may slow down some of the symptoms, or not.  Anxiety, antidepressants to treat those symptoms. 

An MRI and/or CT, bloodwork to rule out  treatable causes, such as thyroid, b12 levels, tumors etc. An MMSE score of 22 indicates  mild dementia. Scores can drop 0-4 points per year on average, so your Mom has quite some time left on this earth. 

Get the legal, financial and medical POAs set up,  get the will done.  Get added to their checkbook to help your dad with bills etc contact  an elder care attorney.  Talk to your dad about how long he can deal with her at home as opposed to an assisted living environment 

Pick up a copy of the book the 36 hour day. 

Check out the dementiacarecentral.com website.  It shows stages and average durations so you can see what to expect. 

DrinaJGB

Testing by a PCP is not comprehensive enough. You will need to get a referral to a Neuropsychologist who does specific testing to determine the level of dementia/AD. The PCP will most likely need to give the referral for insurance to pay. It will give your family a bigger picture of what is going on, what to expect and how to plan for future care. I have my DH tested about every 3 years--he is going again next month and his Neurologist ordered the testing.

jfkoc

Shame on the Dr. That test does not trump what you are seeing. It is inexcuseable that you werre  not listened to. You need to find another Dr. You need medical help.

Please go online and read about the correct protocol for diagnosis. Do not give up...she needs help.

Jo C.

Hello Link and a very warm welcome to you.    You are facing quite a difficult challenge and I can well understand the worry and stress this is causing you and the family.

There are multiple different kinds of dementia of which Alzheimer's Disease is only one.  Some of them, such as FrontalTemporal Dementia (FTD) can be behavior driven AND interestingly, the mini memory test is almost worthless for this particular diagnosis and can be easily passed despite the severity of other symptoms.  There are various different types of FTD and each patient presents in their own way; when reading about different types of dementia it is good to remember that not all symptoms will show up for that type of dementia and the patient may also have symptoms not on the list. This is "normal."

Also, when our Loved One (LO) is resistant to obtaining medical help, we learn that telling them and asking or even begging them to get to a doctor to to point out that they have a problem will cause them to shut down and resist all attempts at getting to care. What do we then do?  Well, we learn to use "therapeutic fibs" to get them to care; these fiblets are not a lapse in morals; they are a kindness to our LO who has a damaged brain and has lost the ability to use adequate judgment or reasoning.

We never tell such a LO that they have a problem issue and never, ever tell them they have a mental, or memory or dementia or other like problem; I learned that the hard way.  Got my LO to the doctor by using fibs and cluing the doctor in privately prior to the appointment.

NOTE:  Your LO is past needing such care from her primary care MD. Our primary MDs are awesome at so much, but they are not on the cutting edge of dementia dynamics and much can be missed or go wrong.  It appears you may have just experienced this. It is by far best to get our LO to a dementia specialist - you will want this for appropriate diagnosing and care planning.  A good Neurologist who sees dementia patients as a routine part of his/her practice is usually excellent at diagnosing accurately for TYPE of dementia.  This is very important as treatment for one type can be contraindicated in another and make things even worse.

To get my mother to such a specialist we had to fib and mention it was a specialist for her blood pressure and back pain.  Her primary doctor helped with this.  We clued the specialist doctor in ahead of time; ALSO:   The doctors will all need a complete detailed description of all the changes in behavior, cognition and function.  Yet, we cannot talk about our LO in front of them without causing a huge outburst.  What I did was to write a detailed and succinct memo outlining all the changes as mentioned above and got it to the doctor's office a few working days prior to the appointment. I chose to fax these.  I let staff know it was coming and was time sensitive to a dated appt. and to please get it to the doctor asap.   I also followed up to be sure this was done.

Never let a LO go to the doctor without a family member as our LO will not relate the actual issue nor remember what the doctor told them. I also carried a copy of my memo in my handbag just in case the doctor had not received or read the faxed copy.  I excused myself to "use the bathroom," but instead asked staff to check with the doctor to see if he had read the memo. If so, good. If not, I then gave them the copy from my handbag and asked that the doctor read it prior to the exam.  This way, the exam was relevant.

There is also a  24 Hour Helpline at the Alzheimer's Assn. that can be reached at (800) 272-3900.  If you call, ask to speak to a Care Consultant.  There are no fees for this service.  Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics.  They are very supportive, have much information and can also often assist us with our problem solving. Sometimes they even have the names of specialists in the area we live in. 

We also learn that our LOs behaviors ramp up if our LO has a "silent" urinary tract infection.  These will have no overt symptoms of pain or burning, but quite often the behaviors get very ramped up.  Always good to have the urine checked.

For my LO, it took a bit of time to get all the bits into place and get her into a specialist.  It was quite a relief to get it accomplished and there are meds that can assist and make quite a difference to both the family and to the patient.

Let us know how you are doing and how things are going; we will be thinking of you and we truly do care.

J.