Sometimes, You Just Have To Laugh...

The4thOne

I know some may think it's politically incorrect to share a moment of humor about a LO's antics in this disease, but I believe you have to, or you will truly go stir crazy...

One of my girlfriends is going through with her father.  He is at the paranoid stage and believes one of CNA's in the NH is trying to poison him.  The other day she went to visit him. While there, they brought him his lunch.  After they dropped off his food, he told her to lean in, and he went into a hush-hush whisper, not wanting the conspirators to hear, 'you know they trying to kill me up here.  I know they're poisoning my food.  Go ahead, eat it, and tell me I'm lying!'

We hollared!  She said she had to leave the room on the pretext that she was going to talk to them, and went out and just cracked up!  'Lee, I have seen him in all manner of this disease, but if you could have seen his face - he was so serious it was hilarious!'  She could not even get it out to explain to him that if she ate the food, then she would be poisoned and who then would be left to have them charged for conspiracy.  

Sometimes, you just have to laugh...!

Arrowhead

I get a lot of laughs over this. This conversation happened some time ago between my wife of 44 years and me. 

Her: I can’t find him.

Me: Can’t find who?

Her: Your husband

Me: My husband?

Her: Yes, your husband.

Me: I’m not gay

Her: You’re not?

Jo C.

We never know what in the world is going to happen next; that must have been a surprise. However, this is a delusion that is very, very real to him; as real as the chair you are sitting on.

If he is fearful and it is affecting him eating his food or drinking fluids, this would be a real problem.  If the delusion persists and is affecting him psychologically or his nutrition, it would be time to consult with his dementia specialist to assess for possible need for medication adjustment that would help to relieve his delusion.

J.

Mobile AL

I would refer to my daddy as Daddy Elf when he would say or do somethings. Like when I found a plate of cooked eggs in the cabinet I knew it was Daddy Elf. When a box of Popsicles disappeared and I found them a couple of weeks later against the wall under the dresser. I knew it was Daddy Elf. And more recently an open package of cookies in the back of a drawer in his bedroom. I had to laugh at times like that because it was better than crying. 

I knew it was part of the disease and those moments are now bittersweet memories. But I still have to chuckle when I think of them again. 

SusanB-dil

4thOne - could be a bit amusing, but i hope you do speak to someone about allaying his very real fear...

Mobile - I like you have a Daddy Elf that 'did it'.  Aha!  so that's 'who' did it!

When we asked "who put the thermostat to Emergency Heat?" and later, was at 'fan on constant'...   'i don't know, wasn't me'...  "Where are all the dish towels, potholders, and dishcloths?"  'I don't know, haven't seen them'.  We put a cover over the thermostat so 'whoever' had been changing the settings no longer could do so, (nor be tempted).  and we are glad for the local Dollar Tree Store for extra potholders and dish towels. We don't know if they have been getting thrown out, or someday that we will find a rather large stack of potholders, dish towels, and dishcloths!

Mobile AL

SusanB - unfortunately he "doesn't know who" makes such a mess in his bathroom and bedroom but he wants to catch them in the act. Daddy has bladder and bowel incontinence.

Mikela

Panamanian drug smugglers trying to exhort money from him.  

Fancy NY lawyers hired by his kids trying to cancel his wife's green card.  

Oh..and the doozy.. his adult daughter, myself, accused of hacking into Doordash's website to get stepsister's Doordash account locked so she'd lose her cushy Doordash job using Dad's car;  Dad is paying for gas and all her living expenses.  Stepsister drives like a bat out of hell so I'm guessing they tracked her speeding too and she didn't pass the 3 month trial.    

I've had one official computer class in my life, we made a man dance across an Apple screen for Jr high computer lit; it was back in the early 1990s.  I don't know any computer languages.    My older brother actually works with computers, but somehow it was me.  

I've started calling it going down the rabbit hole.  They come up with real zingers.  It doesn't help my stepmother is easily paranoid and ends up going down the same path.  SMH.  You gotta laugh some.  And yes, we are going after guardianship because Dad and stepmother in denial, regularly refuse basic medical care and medication that would alleviate some of these issues. 

BassetHoundAnn

The other night while I was visiting my mom at her MC a woman behind a walker wanted me to drive her home. She was very insistent about it and was following me down the hall, supposedly giving directions for finding her house. Remembering the advice to "say what comforts" I told her "we'll talk about it later but I need to help my mom right now" and ushered her into the main living room with the aids, the other residents and the TV. I told her to wait for me there.

OurTushesareTired

My mil has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. A few weeks after we placed her in a new facility near our home we visited her. My hubby and I took her all new stuff and worked so hard to get her into the place. My hubby works so I did more during the week because I was home. Well, he was telling her about her new stuff and how I had helped him more than he could ever repay. She looked at me and pretended to be whispering to him.  She said you know she has never worked a day in her life for anything ..I couldn’t stop laughing. I had to walk out. 

A few weeks later my hubby comes home from a visit with her and said she was using the tv remote to call people. He was laughing. I asked him did anyone answer?   This disease is cruel and sometimes you just have to roll with it.

BassetHoundAnn

OurTushesareTired wrote:

My mil has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. A few weeks after we placed her in a new facility near our home we visited her. My hubby and I took her all new stuff and worked so hard to get her into the place. My hubby works so I did more during the week because I was home. Well, he was telling her about her new stuff and how I had helped him more than he could ever repay. She looked at me and pretended to be whispering to him.  She said you know she has never worked a day in her life for anything ..I couldn’t stop laughing. I had to walk out. 

A few weeks later my hubby comes home from a visit with her and said she was using the tv remote to call people. He was laughing. I asked him did anyone answer?   This disease is cruel and sometimes you just have to roll with it.

My mom said something very similar recently. She was in the hospital. I had been visiting her everyday but one day my DH visited in my place. Currently the hospital allows only one visitor per day. He told her I was tired and so he came instead. My mom sniffed "She's been pulling that all her life!" The nurse and aid who were in the room were shocked. "Don't say that about your daughter! She's here everyday!" and DH protested as well. 

A year ago I would have been very hurt to hear that she'd said that about me, but now I chuckle. There are so many things she does and says that are hurtful, appalling, incomprehensible. Rather than feeling angry or frustrated, as I was constantly when I first started caring for my mom, I've been making an effort to regard these things lightly with amusement, to remind myself that her brain is not working and there's no sense in anything she says, and to laugh when I can. She's in a Mad Hatter world now. It really is a terrible disease. For us all. 

David J

When my wife was in the hospital last week, I was trying to keep her calm while the nurses were changing her snd changing and he bedding. As I held her hands and assured her she hat the nurses were there to help, she looked in my eyes, gritted her teeth and said “I HATE YOU!”  I said “I know” and she calmed right down.

BethMimi

That's so funny.  Go ahead and eat my poinsoned food and tell my I'm lying.  My mom says the funniest things too.  I pulled out a long long piece of toilet tissue she had stuffed up her sleeve once.  I kept pulling and pulling, the darn thing had no end.  It was like a magician pulling out the long scarf trick. I think there was at least a half a roll. I said Mom whatcha got going on here?  She laughed and said,  Oh I didn't put that there someone else did. 

We run ourselves ragged every which way being good caretakers for our loved ones.  Finding humor is a good thing.  And finding humor doesn't mean we don't take things seriously in making sure they are well cared for.

Mobile AL

Just had to share this. My niece and her two kids came over to say hi to my daddy last week. Grandaddy (daddy) asked her if everyone had a bowel movement. My niece was shocked and didn't know how to respond. She sent her young boys out of the room and assured daddy that everyone had their bowel movement earlier. He responded that he was about to have his and was glad they had one and that there was more in the kitchen they were welcome to. 

After thinking about it, I believe he was confusing the word 'jello' with the word  'bowel movement'. I had told him I was going to get us a bowl of jello when my niece happened to come in!

DaughterOf

My mom would often lean in and whisper that she "hated me".  You are just her person and even with their fleeting mind, they still lash out at those closest to them.  I would chuckle and not take it personally.

She lived with me before going to her care facility.  I would go into her room and clean it every morning and then make breakfast.  I would put her in front of the tv and get ready for work.  When I came down everyday she would say that I reminded her of the "morning maid" but I was much more pretty, lol.  So I think she didn't like my morning face lol.

The "other" one

My mom took all the toilet paper out of the common bathroom and hid it in her room, her pocketbook, and behind her in her wheelchair. She did this regularly for several weeks.  The nurses thought it was funny, but I'm sure the other residents trying to use that bathroom didn't.  She finally stopped.  

A friend's mom, while still in her own home, chastised her son for moving the bathroom every time he came over. Regularly after his visits he'd get a call-  " It's just not funny, I've been looking and looking.  Where did you put it this time? I really have to go!"

Not funny, but funny.  You do have to laugh.  

BassetHoundAnn

The "other" one wrote:

My mom took all the toilet paper out of the common bathroom and hid it in her room, her pocketbook, and behind her in her wheelchair. She did this regularly for several weeks.  The nurses thought it was funny, but I'm sure the other residents trying to use that bathroom didn't.  She finally stopped.  

A friend's mom, while still in her own home, chastised her son for moving the bathroom every time he came over. Regularly after his visits he'd get a call-  " It's just not funny, I've been looking and looking.  Where did you put it this time? I really have to go!"

Not funny, but funny.  You do have to laugh.  

I recently found pieces of the toilet paper dispenser from mom's memory-care apartment jammed in her purse. I now go through her purse every time I visit to see what turns up. 

sandwichone123

It's always wise to go through the tissues they wad up, as there are sometimes valuables in there. We think that's what happened to my grandmother's wedding rings and diamond earrings.

The4thOne

@Mikela - I get it!.  Some of the stuff my mom has come up with, it's like 'what 'da what!! How did your mind come up with that!'

@ Mobile AL.  LOL, well you know he is listening, and is still concerned that everyone has their fair share!

@OurTushes..OMG, we had a land line put in Mom's room and she was using it with no problem.  When she told us the phone 'doesn't work right'  my brother got her a new one.  After he hooked it up, he called from his cell to make sure all was fine.  It rang, he declared all clear; then told her to call him.  She picked up the remote and declared, 'it still doesn't work.'  We were done!!!  We still crack up on that.