Wife out of hospital, back to MCF

David J

After a week in the hospital on IV antibiotics, my wife is back to the MCF. To avoid another stressful ambulance ride, I picked her up at the hospital and delivered her to MCF.  We were just in time for dinner, and she dat down and ate everything. She has difficulty eating, but she kept at it until finished. This was very good, since she barely weighs 90 lbs. Putting weight on has been a problem. 

The stay at MCF was supposed to be a respite, but I haven’t had much of a respite. I have to day that without the MCF I wouldn’t have been able to recover from my surgery, or deal effectively with her UTI and sepsis. I admit that they take better care of her than I was, and my stress level is greatly reduced. I can’t imagine her coming home and me taking on her care again. Next week I will sign her in for permanent residency in the MCF. 

Dave

Ed1937

David, you're right. You wouldn't be able to care for her in the way she needs. Sorry this is so hard for you. You do need respite.

French

David, sorry you had to go through this but happy that you found a good balance continuing to give care to your wife part time as you are very implied. 

I go again to Tunisia on Thursday and we are coming back together on Saturday. He is still very happy to be there and I know they are caring much better than me. I call him everyday by WhatsApp but discussions are very poor. He isn’t interested in the screen and his sentences are also less and less understandable. Always the same in fact « what’s new ? ».

 I stress about his return at home. I have tasted freedom. I began to feel a pain in my back today (stress) and had a very bad night.

I will have him 3 weeks at home (still working) and then he will be 2 weeks in a MCF here for another trial. Now I think I should let him in Tunisia but I need him to come back because we have to go to the court before placing him. Everything is ready but we have to go. 

 I think he will hate the MCF here after Tunisia and I hope he will ask to go back to Tunisia after that. But what if he stand that he wants to stay home. How all this is difficult. I shouldn’t stress ne just wait and see but I can’t stop speculating.

Joe C.

David, I know how difficult this decision is but in your heart you know you are doing the right thing for your wife.

Buggsroo

David,

It must be hard for you to have made that decision, but it sounds like it was necessary. It is difficult to acknowledge our own needs. I hope you will be happier and more rested in the weeks to come.

Joydean

David, it sounds like you are doing the best for your wife. When you visit her, you will be better because you want be so stressed out. God bless you and your wife!   French, I hope everything goes well with you and your lo.

Stuck in the middle

French wrote:

 He is still very happy to be there and I know they are caring much better than me. 

Can he just stay?  Tunisia sounds like Heaven to me.

Stuck in the middle

David, good for you.  If a solution is better for and better for you, that is the ultimate win-win.

Jeff86

David,

You are facing the most difficult decision we as caregivers have to make, and you are doing so in a wonderfully clear-eyed manner.  Acknowledging that your DW is getting better care in the MCF than your are able to provide at home makes a compelling argument for permanent placement.  Bonus points for how good an adjustment she seems to have made.

And no less significant is the big diminution in your stress level.  We caregivers tend to subjugate our needs, even our importance, to our PWDs.  But you, and your life, count too.

Not that you need it, but I am 100% supportive of your decision.  And I admire your courage.

M1

David and French, my thoughts are with both of you....

White Crane

Dave, I'm glad you were able to recover from your surgery.  And I'm glad your DW is out of the hospital.  You are a wonderful caregiver and have taken good care of her.  Now it seems like it's time to let others take over her care.  It must be hard but you are doing the right thing...for both of you.  Sending hugs.

 Brenda

Beachfan

Best of luck to you in the upcoming weeks.  You have made a gut wrenching decision that is in your and your DW’s best interest.  So many of us are on that fence, teetering between home care and placement.  I hope yours turns out to be a resounding success story for both of you.  Stay strong and keep us posted. 

David J

Thank you all for your support and endorsement of my decision. I am being calm about it, but it has been a hard go for the last few years, and equally hard to see her in long term care. The people are very nice to her, and have seemingly unlimited patience. I know she is safe and well cared for. I can sleep at night.

Cookstownlad

Dave, had strikingly similar experience with DW five months ago. After three years of being sole caregiver, except for three days a week home care, DW suffered a seizure followed by ten days in hospital and then placement in a MC facility for  a two week rehabilitation. She is still there and will never return home again. I live with a mixture of enormous relief and deep guilt. I know she is receiving a level of care that I could never provide, but each visit with her leaves me saddened and depressed knowing that she will never leave the facility and I am helpless to do otherwise. This disease has effectively taken her from me after 52 years of marriage and I am left with little joy or purpose in life except fir providing DW with my love, support and presence four or five times a week regime she becomes less and less aware of who I am. I hope for a compassionate end to this journey, but don’t see a practical path to that end anytime soon.Do as much as you can for your DW, but as everyone on this site will tell you, try your hardest to take care of yourself.