Soon the end of the respite stay in Tunisia

French

I go back in Tunisia in 3 days. And we will come back together. Headaches  and backache are back. Nights are agitated again.

Everything went very well and he never complains (I call him every evening). He likes to be there. But for the moment he is in holidays.

 He can’t stay in Tunisia, we need to go to the court together first for the POA. We have an appointment on October 27th.  But he can return after. 

Before that, I would like him to try the other MCF here. It is scheduled on November 15th. I know he won’t like it, but I also know he is able to handle 15 days there. After he will return to Tunisia if he wants. 

if he doesn’t want to try the other MCF, but return directly to Tunisia, why not? In fact, I need to be in front of him and see how he reacts to the different options. But I am stressed at the idea that I may have to explain him that staying home is no more an option.  my secret hope is that he will ask to go to Tunisia because he doesn’t want to try the other MCF or after because he doesn’t to stay there. I feel manipulator. I just want somewhere where he feels good so that I won’t feel guilty.

Tomorrow they proposed him to visit the second hotel (10% more expensive…). They are very smart, for the moment they only can accommodate there people who don’t need an elevator. He is the perfect client. And strangely,  the visit is 2days before my coming…

French

Sorry, the picture has been strangely compressed

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

French

Yes Victoria, you are partly right saying that if I need the POA it is because he is no more able to take decisions. I think he can tell me where he is best… but decision will be my role now.

You also enlighten me on an aspect I haven’t thought. I really want the best for him, but perhaps you are right that asking him his agreement is painful for him. I only reason from my side. I want to be honest, respect his wishes…it’s difficult to address everything from his perspective but I should try. 

I will certainly identify where he is better easily. I think he is still able to tell me. But the decision will be mine, for the when and for the where.

David J

French, have a safe trip!  Your partner is so lucky to have you; you obviously want the best for him and will make the best decision for both of you. Short term, Tunisia may be his preference and your preference, but as his condition worsens, the amenities will be less important. The care he receives will gain in importance, and in your piece of mind. My wife is farther along the dementia road than your partner, so I chose a facility that was close and where I thought she would be comfortable and well cared for. Almost 4 weeks in respite, except for the stay in hospital. I will be signing the placement papers this week for permanent residency.

French

I am back in Tunisia. 

He was happy to see me, he is happy to come back home. I think he has gain 2 kg. I remarked a slightly higher lack of words.  Fecal incontinence has continued (so it is due to my vegetables diet) a little but they decided not to use depends because it isn’t frequent nor a lot.  They all told me he was very pleasant. The only issue is that he goes out of his room every night.

I spent the day with the residents and discussed with spouses who live here with their Alzheimer’s spouse. They are more advanced than my partner. One had some health issues last week and the husband explained me everything was very well treated. 

I am very impressed by the way the young caregivers care of their residents all over the day. I have decided to return in my room because I saw how my partner was in his element with everybody and I felt it wasn’t my place. 

Yes David, i was also thinking to long term. But not because of the care here. Just because of his family. His parents are old and perhaps they won’t see him anymore if I choose Tunisia. Me, yes I wouldn’t  see him often, but in better conditions.

We have an expression « what is taken is taken ». It think that Tunisia could be the best solution for the next months ( 6 months, one year or more I don’t know) as he can benefit of everything here. This will have to be revised if necessary. I learnt with this disease that nothing is definitive, we have to adapt permanently.

I will try to post a picture of the caregivers and residents when they are all together discussing on the sofa.

abc123

Dear French, I know you will make the best decision for him. He is so fortunate to have you in his life! You are truly a good person. 

I have marked the 27th on my calendar to remind myself of your court date. I will be praying for you and him and family! I wish you the best!

French

We have been back for 5 days now. Difficult for me to run all this organization again.

Strangely, it is almost as he hasn’t been absent, he did everything almost as before. He has lost a little (words, orientation…), and he needs more help to put his clothes on. He has won 2kg, not easy to find trousers that fit.

We have been to the court yesterday morning. Everything went perfectly in an half hour. Now the POA is activated. I still have a lot of work because I have to list all his belongings and give that to the lawyer who will be in charge of the follow up every year.

After the court, I accompanied him to the adult daycare. We had a discussion with the director about the stay in Tunisia. She told me that on Tuesday when my partner came back to the daycare, they found him very happy with his holidays in Tunisia. But they also told me that now daycare wasn’t adapted and they will soon asked me to find something else. I asked for a delay till then end of the year.

He wants to go back to Tunisia but in 19days he will do the other trial here.

David J

Hi French!  I’m so glad the court hearing went well!  I hope the local respite stay goes as well as the Tunisia stay went. As I posted earlier, my wife’s respite stay turned into permanent placement. If the facility wasn’t local, things would be much much harder. Particulsrly is he hospital stays!  Good luck with Daycare and the respite stay!

Dave

M1

Yes very glad all is well.  You have done such a good job organizing the choices for him, it's quite impressive.  You are very much on track to have clear choices in just another few weeks.  Fingers crossed for you---

Buggsroo

French,

So glad the court proceedings went well.

I imagine he will end up in Tunisia, it seems he liked it a lot. I hope he does well locally as well. Good luck in finding him a daycare, more organization on your part.

JoseyWales

French, you sound like you have this all together! I'm so glad Tunisia went well, and everything went smoothly for your court date.

I hope the local place also works for him. I'm sure it would be nice to have him closer. But if it doesn't, Tunisia seems to be a great alternative!

abc123

French, thank you for the update. I am glad the court went well.