Do you let your LO answer the phone?

M1

Another telephone topic, I know we've had some before.  We have to have a landline in our farmhouse, metal roof doesn't allow for adequate cell reception (plus there's an elevator, and there has to be a phone in the elevator for safety reasons).  Can't block all the scam calls, which are multiple per day.  My partner can't read/understand caller ID any more.  Most of the time I'm in the house to answer the phone/block the trash calls, but today she answered one, and almost gave her credit card number (there's still one active) to a scammer.  Got really mad at me when I interrupted.  Do I:  

take away/cancel the one credit card (she's still very aware enough about this to be very angry over that)?

never leave the house?

take the phone off the hook when I leave the house?  That seems like maybe the best interim solution, but it's a bit of a safety issue if I weren't here (as opposed to just being outside).  Curious what others do about this.  

I'm thinking I could also surreptitiously cancel the card but let her keep it so she'll think it's active?  But I also think I might get caught out on this one too.

There's a new, exhausting twist every day.  I feel like I'm dancing as fast as I can, and I'm not even having to deal with ADL help/incontinence yet.  She's still active enough to get herself in lots of trouble.

DrinaJGB

Dh hates phones and computers now. I actually leave the ringer off on the phone in our office and will check messages which are seldom. The main number is my cell which I carry and he would not answer anyway.

Ed1937

Hi M1. We also have a land line. My wife does not know how to dial a number to reach anyone, but she can answer the phone. We have a medical alert device that will call an ambulance if needed. And we need a landline for that unless we decide to go with unit that does not require it. I don't trust my wife because she has given basic personal information to people she does not know. So I disconnected the landline, but keep it hooked up to the medical alert unit (at least for now.) If anyone  we know calls for her, it comes to my smart phone. Then I can give her the phone if I want. I agree that those robocalls are more than annoying. I am considering cancelling the landline and the medical alert service.

Wish I cold tell you what to do, but that's something you'll have to decide.

Rescue mom

Can you shut off the ringer when you’re not available? Our landline lets me do that. (We also have a metal roof and cell reception issues.  Other construction contributes but I’m told it’s mostly the metal roof).

I also thought of cancelling the card, but letting her keep it. You might get caught, but you also might not, at least for a while. Does she stay angry long? I know a lot is easier for me because my DH will forget being angry/upset in an hour or so, 98 percent of the times. But there have been times of physical or financial safety where he just had to angry for a bit. The dangers otherwise were too great.

Or, maybe the card could be “lost,”—who knows where it went?—and you keep saying a replacement is coming “soon,” that darn mail is so slow, and bad….

If she can complete a call on the landline, isn’t that also a danger for her giving away money? Another reason to lose the card. 

You say it’s dangerous to leave it off the hook, which makes me think that you think she can call for  help if needed (?) Ours makes too much noise to leave off the hook long.

Joe C.

M1, Could you cancel the CC account and just let your partner keep the physical card? Your partner may never know it was canceled & you’d avoid the confrontation.

JJ401

DH hasn’t answered the phone in a while. We have a landline and last year had to get a new phone. This one requires you to push a button to talk after you pick up. He can’t remember to do it. Everything goes to voicemail. 

He has a flip cell phone that he always carries. He can’t answer it or call from it.  I figure if he gets totally confused and separated from me, they can use his contact list to call me.

M1

Y'all have already helped, thank you!!  I was in such a dither I didn't think about turning the ringers off.  We'll try that--I can let the few people know who actually call us that that's the case, and/or they can leave messages.  And I probably will cancel this card and see what happens.  She also had a Discover card that she used a lot--until she made a $3000 donation to PETA last week, didn't remember she'd done it, so that card got cancelled too.  This is a Chase card that she doesn't use very much, hopefully if I cancel it she won't  notice.  I'm already doing the "new card is in the mail" thing for the Discover card, so don't think I can do it with two.

Bottom line is that she's not safe to handle finances any more, period.  But it's a weaning process.  She used to handle multimillion dollar accounts for the houses she built, so this is something that means a lot to her and is a big control issue.

Small win on another front though:  she agreed to letting me take over feeding the outside cats, so no more going through twenty cans of food in three days.  I'll take every little win i can get at this point.

Ed1937

M1 wrote:

I'm already doing the "new card is in the mail" thing for the Discover card, so don't think I can do it with two.

There has been so many cards that were used by less than honest people that all cards must be replaced by (whatever date). This is a new federal requirement. Apparently you didn't hear of that.

MN Chickadee

There are some options for "white listing" on a landline meaning unless someone is calling from a pre-approved number that you have white listed it goes straight to voicemail. There are physical boxes you can look at on Amazon and some phone companies have services like this you can buy on your phone package. 

Silencing the ringers may help. If you worry about people you actually want to speak to getting through if the landline is intentionally off the hook or silenced, do you have your cell phone or a tablet hooked up to wifi/internet in the home? There are many options now to place calls via wifi that wouldn't require a cell signal. WhatsApp is easy to use for voice and text, Google has one, there are many options.  You could tell family and friends to call that if they need to get you right away. If you use apple cell phones a FaceTime will come through if you have internet but no cell signal. 

Pat6177

Is it possible to have landline calls forwarded to your cell phone while you are out? Even if reception is poor wherever you might be, people could leave a voicemail.

Newbernian

Definitely!  I do it all the time.  My landline is a "Magicjack".  It works over the internet.  People don't even know I have it.  I have used it for over 10 years.  Local calls and long distance.  Am able to call my niece in the Virgin Islands.  Costs about $30/yr plus $10 for a vanity number.  If I signed up for phone service through my cable network, I wold have the same type of service but it would cost me $120.yr.  This service is called VOIP (voice over internet protocol).  There also is the traditional landline service which is called analog.  More dependable.  Service works most of the time.  The other service doesn't work if you don't have internet or electric.  Also not accepted by a lot of work from home jobs.

Buggsroo

My mom has a wonderful way of dealing with the robo calls. She never answers the landline, lets it go to message. The scammers don’t leave messages, my brother and I leave messages and she calls us back. 

As for her credit card, cancelling sounds like the right thing to do, telling her a new one is in the mail etc. I handle all the bills, payments and credit cards etc. 

LadyTexan

Earlier in our journey, the phone and the credit cards were problems for us. I truly feel your pain as I recall DH making unwise transactions. Back then, I was still working and was unable to monitor DH's activity 24/7. DH was adamant about keeping his credit cards. He was so angry at me for trying to limit his transactions. Its a very tough balance between independence and safety.

We no longer have a land line. DH cannot operate a phone. His cell phone is still active. I monitor his phone and answer it if is a call from family or friends. I check the messages and texts so that he can respond if warranted. He has one credit card in his wallet that is active. Because I am always with him now, the risk of a large purchase or scammer accessing the number is minimal.

My Mom has dementia. She has been scammed more than once. My dad has cancelled most of her credit cards. They have a land line at their house and it rings constantly with scammer calls. When I am at their house it is unnerving. He doesn't want to cancel the landline for safety reasons.

For safety reasons, both my mom and my husband wear safety pendants so they could push the button to call for help in an emergency. DH's pendant will detect a fall and automatically connect to the Phillips customer service line if he falls. That gives me some peace of mind.

Incidentally, we have a metal roof. It interferes with our wifi in the master bedroom. It does not prevent the safety pendant from working in the bedroom but the Alexa doesn't work in there.

M1 - I am sorry you are dealing with this. I still remember the unrest and unhappiness we went through over the credit card issue.

M1

I've turned the ringers off, so we'll see how that goes.  I have to take landline calls for work though, so I'll have to get in the habit of turning them off and on, at least where I work!  The one in her bedroom we'll leave off and see what happens.

Buggsroo

M1 

Leaving the ringer off your phone in the bedroom sounds like a great idea. 

We have a landline with call display. I have become better at identifying the calls from India, the scammers etc. Now I just answer and hang up. 

My husband saw some roofers on our street, doing a roof. He invited them to come and give us an estimate. I had to go and explain he has dementia and no, we did not need a new roof. Never a dull moment here.

Stuck in the middle

There is a way to have the landline forwarded to your cell phone.  I have never used it, but my SIL did for years when she was a factory rep.