Lack of family support is heartwrenching!

Newbernian

My DH's Mother passed away last week.  She was 93 had late stage Alzheimer and lived in a nursing home.  We live about 11 hours away.  His daughter who he is estranged from called and told him about his Mom's passing.  She said she would call back when arrangements were made for the funeral.  His sister called him when he answered the call no one was there.  Within a minute my phone started ringing, it was his sister.  She asked how her brother was, I'm thinking because he found out his Mother passed away.  I said he was fine and she starts to tell me about his Mother dying.  I said we knew because his daughter had called.  She started to tell me about problems with the funeral arrangements but I interrupted her and said she should talk to her brother.  He is highly functioning but has good and bad days.  Now his family has not contacted him in the last few years.  But I sensed that they knew about his Alz and I couldn't figure out how.  We received no more information about the funeral but I found it on the internet the next day.  I was upset that no one contacted him.  I made arrangements for him to fly home.  It would have been a connecting flight.  The Airline provides a Safety Assistant which I requested. They will accompany loved one from ticket booth through TSA to their gate and then return to get them on board the plane and reverse the procedure when he arrives at destination.  I knew that would not be a problem.  I sent a text message to his cousin's wife.  He has been close to his cousin and wife for years.  He cleared their land of trees and was at there land every weekend to help them build there house which they still live in.  I had requested her to be my DH Medical POA if I was unable to fulfill the duty explaining his Alz.  They would call my DH and he seemed to have a good relationship and there was a loyalty, so we thought. I asked if they could get DH at the airport let him stay with them and take him to the funeral.  I could not afford to fly myself and we have pets with health conditions and I couldn't accompany them.  His cousin's wife calls me much later and says she would but she is going to talk to the family members at the funeral.  I said of course, my DH would probably talk to them also.  We never asked them to take sides.  My DH had a thriving business and his son worked with him and stole in a very complicated manner, that took me along time to catch onto.  My DH fired him and has not had contact since.  My DH's sister was her Mother's POA and stole as much from her as she could.  I cared for my MIL and she told me one time she knew that I was the one who took care of her. Medicaid did the 5 year look back and saw that money was being removed from the account.  We had to respond to a request from a lawyer that we had nothing to do with MIL's money. So these are the people who are turning on my DH now that he has ALZ.  We have no children of our own.  It is hard to find people willing to take any responsibility when it is needed.  My DH is devastated.  I have never known him to be so devastated.  His cousin's wife had used the info shared with the expectation of confidence to tell about the problem's DH.  To those of you with a supportive family you are lucky and to those of you who don't I understand.  This is a hard disease to deal with but to know you are alone is painful.  Thanks for letting me vent.

LadyTexan

I am so sorry Newbernian.

My DH's family is complicated. DH was adopted as an infant. His adoptive parents had a horribly ugly divorce which separated DH from his sister. Now the sister and both parents are dead. DH is estranged from what was once his closest uncle. DH was estranged from his son, but they spoke on the phone recently. DH has a few cousins that reach out occasionally. But I am in the trenches without support from his family. 

My family of origin is quite the opposite. We are stuck together like glue and very supportive of each other. If I die before DH, my brother has agreed to make arrangements for DH to be cared for. How sad that DH's adult son is not engaged in this journey.

I am thankful for my supportive family. I am beyond disappointed with DH's adult son.

Ed1937

I am really sorry for those of you who have this problem. 

My wife is an only child, so no siblings to worry about. Her parents, aunts and uncles are long gone. She has cousins, but the relationships drifted away through the years. But we have a large family, and three of our daughters were not on speaking terms for a few years. When I knew their mother had dementia, I asked them to bury the hatchet. They did, and the distancing is now in the past. All of our children are supportive. Yes, I understand how lucky I am.