Just when you think you can handle it

Paris20

The past couple of days have been delightfully explosion free. I began thinking that perhaps I shouldn’t have agreed with the neurologist to try an antipsychotic drug because of the possible side effects. Then I remembered wise words here about making important decisions based on spouse’s bad behavior, not on the ever-decreasing good times. Sure enough, tonight my husband had a melt down, aimed at his live-in aide. The F-Us were flying. The screaming was deafening. He even called her a Nazi (I don’t know why) and yelled at her to get out. I lost it and told him to SHUT UP! I am going to pick up the antipsychotic drug tomorrow. 

My question is how do you remember the bad times when things go well but you need to take action? It’s so counter-intuitive, in our American culture of positive thinking, to focus on the worst case scenario. On the other hand, Alzheimer’s IS the worst case scenario. Right now the Rx is at the pharmacy. I plan to pick it up first thing in the morning. I realize it will take time to work but I’m running out of time and patience.

abc123

Dear Paris, I hope the meds will start to work quickly for your DH and he will be able to have a better quality of life with some peace sprinkled in. I sincerely hope its a win/win for you both! Best of luck to the both of you....and the aid too!

Stuck in the middle

I find myself thinking that sort of thing some times, about my son.  It's hard to accept things you really don't want to believe.  Then I talk to him for a while and am reminded just how illogical his thought processes are, and I resign myself to the status quo.  Sounds like you just had a similar reminder.

Maybe you could try journaling.  Make some entries like the one you just posted here, and read your journal whenever you start thinking he doesn't have a severe mental impairment.

Meds help.  Good luck to you.

Joydean

Paris, so sorry you had such a horrible evening. But very glad you and husband had a few good days. Best of luck and God bless you and family. And the aid, it’s a very special person that can do that job.

Buggsroo

Hi Paris,

I was thinking along the same lines as you. My husband has been quite nice the last couple of days, then he turned on a dime. He got nasty when I stopped him jacking up the heat to an unbearable level. Then I got the f@# you. 

I just kept my cool. Then he tells me ‘I love you’. I mean I can’t make this sh— up. Keeping a journal reminds me that I have to keep on my guard, that he can be very mean.

I hope the meds smooth things out for you.

Iris L.

Be aware that the patient must be titrated to the optimal dosage.  This may take a few weeks.  Go slow and start low.

Iris

Mint

I have found journaling helpful

Rick4407

Hello Paris,  I wish you well with the seroquel.  It has been a life saver for my DW and I.  She has been on a low dose for about 3 years.  Actually in the last year we've backed off of her higher dose.  She had been as high as 75 mg but now is pretty consistently at 50 mg.  I administer it in two 25 mg doses starting after lunch and the second dose before dinner.  Afternoons and evenings were her worst times.   It made a huge difference in her levels of agitation, Rick

Ed1937

It's so easy to get caught up in your emotions when things vary so much. I hope he has a good experience with the new med.

Stella Luna

Paris20,

You are getting excellent advise on this board, I just want to add that excessive sleepiness with Seroquel is temporary. My DH has maintained a very active life and only takes short naps. I am also tempted to reduce his dose when things are going well, but I have to remember his explosions and agitation and continue with the medication.

aod326

Hi. It's also so hard to keep track of the declines, because they sometimes happen gradually and before you know it, there's a new function that has been lost altogether.

I agree with journaling. It doesn't have to be extensive. I used the Notes app on my iPhone and every evening would note key things that had happened. It didn't take more than 5 minutes to do. It was helpful to review with the doctor but also on those times where I doubted myself because nobody else seemed to notice anything wrong. Having the notes was a good validation for me.

Now that DH is no longer here (he died in April 2021) I occasionally look back and am stunned at what we went through together. I had also taken surreptitious videos of his rages, to show the doctor, and now I look back and am amazed at what our lives were like. (Having said that, I'd give anything for another day with him, even in a rage.)

Stuck in the middle

Journaling is a way to keep your own sanity.

If you pet a dog every day, it will be a pet.  If you beat it every day, it will be mean.  But if you randomly pet it some days and beat it on other days, you will drive it insane because it never knows what to expect.

LOs with damaged brains can do the same to you, if you let them.  Journaling helps you keep your grip on reality.

David J

Stuck- As a loving dog owner for 5 dog lives, I do not condone ever hitting a dog. However your analogy is spot on. Never knowing which wife I was going to greet in the morning, the loving one, the mean one, the frightened one, the restless one, almost drove me nuts. The respite stay, as unrestful as it has turned out, allowed me to realize how nuts it was getting. 

Dave

French

 Paris, interesting what you say about your positive thinking. I admire it. I am not very positive. Here it isn’t in our culture. Your positive thinking helps me. Perhaps you are too severe, I think it also helps you.

Here people are positive, but they also tell you what they really think and they often made me see things I didn’t want to see. 

Paris20

French, merci mille fois. Sometimes I wish I were more positive but it’s hard to do as a caregiver of an anosognostic Alzheimer’s spouse. His outbursts and his delusions are increasing. Just last week he was sure we were in our favorite hotel in Paris, getting ready for dinner at our favorite restaurant around the corner. I think he returns to places in his past that represent happy times. He often thinks he’s in his mother’s house. These delusions give him comfort and a sense of safety. He doesn’t know that because his broken brain truly believes that he is elsewhere.