What Application

Chammer

Only because the folks on this board understand - DH not diagnosed.  We have our own business and DH is still working and has, within the past 12 months started 2 new businesses with partners other than me - 1 of which required a rather large loan taken out in both our names - I strongly disagreed with him on all this but as he has no dementia diagnosis, I can't use that as a sword in the fight.  

Trying to keep all things together for all this is really taxing him though - he is absolutely the angriest, bitterest, meanest, most anxiety-ridden he has ever been - he just approached me and asked "how should we complete the applications for XYZ new business (of which I am not a partner to)?" ummmm what applications? What kind of applications? He went into his talk down to you like a dumb child mode with fake sign language trying to explain; finally got out "credit" then said he needs to hire someone who understands him and stomped out of the office.   This was about 30 minutes after he got upset because according to him, I was a part of a meeting / conversation that I don't remember being a part of - I verified with the other person who was supposed to also be in the meeting that he also doesn't recall the meeting or the conversation.

One of us is crazy...not sure which one...  

Quilting brings calm

First,   Do not co-sign any application for credit.  Don’t dig your hole any deeper. Second, contact a lawyer about the business and your liability and also an elder care lawyer. Third, inform these partners( possibly through lawyers ) that any defrauding of your husband could result in criminal charges. Particularly if he’s a senior citizen. Fourth, get your own checking account.  Quietly start transferring money into it each week, along with transferring automated bills for your own things to it.  Legally the money in  the joint account is yours to transfer as you wish.  I know this because my dad transferred most of the money in my parents joint account into one in his own name and we had no recourse according to the bank.  Even though my name was also on the joint account.

Fifth. If you have him as your POA in any capacity, revoke that and make someone else. 

Cynbar

You could be in serious jeopardy here, your husband could lose everything. Look up anosognosia if you aren't familiar with the term, it's a condition where someone with dementia has no sense of their deficits and thinks they are fine. All of us caregivers have seen our LOs lose the ability to do things they have done for most of their lives. And, they often become vulnerable to being taken advantage of by others, or being outright scammed. Please take the advice above to see a lawyer about protecting your interests, before it's too late.

Paris20

I agree with what’s been written and advised here. One thing I have learned from dealing with a spouse who still thinks he’s fine (he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 years ago) is that you must not buy into his broken-brain-thinking. Keeping the peace today will cost you dearly in the not-too-distant future. This means that the burden is on you to take control over what’s happening…legally, financially, behaviorally, and medically. Your husband will not co-operate but for your own protection, as well as his, you need to act. He must see a doctor to get a diagnosis, and then you can take it from there. In addition, you really need to see an attorney to untangle the mess you may be facing. Good luck!

Chammer

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

DH is 58 yo so elder abuse isn't an issue. I also, and have always, "managed" finances - I say that with the caveat that he has also always spent what he wants, when he wants, so this is not a new behavior.  

The credit applications for the new business ventures will not be in my name, but in the new business -and DH and partner.  I am fortunate that I really trust the young man that hubby has partnered with but with all of DH's anger and micromanaging (another not new behavior) I worry the new partner will give up and turn it all over to DH and he will not be able to handle it then the poop really will hit the fan.   

So...sounds like a visit to the attorney may be in order for me at least - DH has refused to create a will, POA or anything that will protect him, me or his other business(s) partner.  And getting a diagnosis is another issue that may never happen without a catastrophic event.

Financial and legal woes aside, today was another day of being accused of being the "forgetful, incapable, dumb" one who is trying to "steal the business" and that wears me down since I have had to take over almost all of his responsibilities in our business and at home.  

abc123

Even though your husband is only 58 years old, please see a CELA as soon as possible. I hope Long Term Care Insurance is in place. From the behavior you mentioned, I’m thinking he could be stage 4 or 5. Others will come along who have background in finances will be able to share their stories and offer you sound advice. You have a lot to lose. I wish you well! Please let us know how you are doing.

Iris L.

Chammer wrote:

Financial and legal woes aside, today was another day of being accused of being the "forgetful, incapable, dumb" one who is trying to "steal the business" and that wears me down since I have had to take over almost all of his responsibilities in our business and at home.  

What you are describing is the actuality of living with dementia.  

Yes, you WILL have to take over all the responsibilities in the home and the business, or risk losing everything.  He has not been diagnosed.  There are many medical causes of what you describe that could be treated if caught in time.  He needs a thorough medical and neurological workup including check of prescription and otc meds and history of head injury.

Financial abuse can occur at any age, "elder" abuse is just a term for an age group over fifty.   

Iris L.