Being non confrontational

Challenging Dementia

The Assisted Living where my mom currently resides starting changing her antidepressant medications because she was crying a lot.  My brother and I were also getting a lot of phone calls.  She does not have a cell phone (because she kept calling 911), so she uses the phone in the library.  One evening she wanted to call a friend of hers that lives 3 states away.  Of course, she is remember we still have long distance charges and tried charging them to her home phone number, which is now disconnected.  I received a phone call from a very angry mean person that evening.

However, she now has it in her head that I am picking her up this weekend and bringing her back home.  Not wanting to start her anger, I turn the subject to what she ate for dinner and what is on TV.  She then tells me I have to get everything turned back on for us to go home.

I don't know what to say anymore and I feel like I will never be able to see her because it triggers "going home".  We are working on the medications, but it is going to take some time.  Any suggestions?  I know some else has to have gone through or currently going through some of the same thing.

Thanks in advance!!!!

Yogini72

Hi @ Challenging Dementia!  I am in the same place as you.  My mom is super angry at me for placing her in Memory Care even though she cannot take care of herself (but she believes that she is completely functional and can).  The ONLY reason she wants to speak to or see me right now is to complain about her living situation and beg, cry, and plead with me to take her home.  When I don't agree to do that, she becomes verbally abusive.  I have literally had the same thought - "Will I be able to have a relationship with my mom if I don't agree to take her home?"  It's so tough and I feel like I've run out of answers as well.  There's no reasoning and nothing I say calms or comforts her, just agitates her more.  My mom's MC is also adjusting her meds because she is so anxious it's interfering with her quality of life.  I hope this will make the situation better, as I know you do for your mom's med adjustment.  I wish I had some practical advice on how to handle your mom's anger in the moment.  I just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone in this experience and to hang in there.

Challenging Dementia

Thank you.  You hang in there as well.  It is very difficult being a verbal punching bag.

jfkoc

Please remain in charge of any drug changes before they happen.

Alek

Hi Everyone,

I see this is an old stream, but it describes my situation with my Mom right now....EXACTLY! How did things work out Yogi? I want so desperately to fix/help/change things.

Grateful for any guidance, Alek