A win: The Toilet Tango

LadyTexan

DH has apraxia and taking him to the toilet was very frustrating for us both. I try to keep the experience breezy and cheerful. Since I have to guide him this way and that, I call it the toilet tango. Lately, I have added some Cha-Cha along with a little rhythm as I sing simple instructions along with the cha cha cha. It goes kind of like this:

• Come with me - cha cha cha (as I guide him to the water closet) 
• Turn this way - cha cha cha 
• Grab the bar - cha cha cha (as I place his hand on the safety grab bar)
• Take a step back - cha cha cha
• Down come your drawers - cha cha cha (as I take his pants down)
• Sit down - cha cha cha
• Let me know when you are done - cha cha cha

It is working (for now) and it makes him laugh.

Ed1937

I love the wins. Keeping the tone upbeat and/or funny really works for me much of the time.

jfkoc

brilliant and applicable to many things....a very helpful share...thanks

anneleigh

I laughed when I read your toilet tango!  Guess I could try that and see if it works.Thanks for suggestion!

Joe C.

Way to go!!! I have to give it a try as the sitting part has been quite the challenge lately.

tcrosse

The hard part for me is figuring out when DW has to go.

60 falcon

Yep, the wins are good.  I may have to try something like that soon.  My wife likes it when I act like a goofy kid might. It makes her laugh.

Now if you could give me an idea of how to keep her from sitting sideways and half on half off.  I try to help position her but she just doesn't understand that she needs to move her feet when I ask her to move to the side, or to turn her body, etc.  I've been tempted to try those handrail things but figured they'd get in the way while wiping. That part is already hard enough.

Doityourselfer

Clever and lighthearted way of getting the job done!

Cherjer

LT...just wondering how you knew that your husband has apraxia. Does that affect your husband's movements i.e. trouble sitting on the toilet, placing himself in a chair etc. I notice these things in my husband but have never heard the dr. talking about this.

LadyTexan

@cherjer - It was either the PCP, the geri-psychiatrist or the physical therapist that informed me. I was not familiar with the term. In my laymen's terms, apraxia is when his body in not getting the information from the brain about what the brain wants the body to do or how to do it. The apraxia definitely affects his movements. Sitting on the toilet or sitting in a chair requires significant hands on engagement from me. Another example is getting him settled in bed. DH has no idea where his body is in relation to other things. He may lay across the bed or diagonally on the bed or upside down on the bed with his feet where the headboard is. When I try to get him to put his head towards the headboard, he will ask "am I doing it?" Because he thinks he is.

@60falcon - As we cha cha to the toilet, I am gently guiding DH so the toilet bowl is directly behind him. When I get him to step back, the porcelain is basically touching his calves. I watch him to ensure he is sitting far enough back and add more simple instructions as required. If his penis is not inside the bowl, I have him stand up and try again, otherwise the result will be an ocean of urine to clean up.

60 falcon

LT, just wanted to say thanks.  I tried your Cha,Cha, Cha this morning and it helped.  I admit I felt foolish doing it, but she was receptive and I got her to sit the right way.

eaglemom

Cha cha cha and score. This is great, and can be applied to multiple things, cha cha cha.

eagle

jfkoc

I always thought  this would be good;

amicrazytoo

Love it - you are so creative!

ButterflyWings

LT - such a great idea! Congrats on your win!

I have recently just been squeezing into our small bathroom with my DH as he can't be in there alone anymore. After our nightmare stint with balanitis (the things we learn about on this journey!) and poop galore etc of a few weeks ago I just have to weather the wrath of his indignation that someone is in his private space after all these years. I am the bathroom stalker, shadow, interloper, companion and oh well. That is that, from here on out.

Our biggest potty problem right now is, he is spending 30 minutes to an hour just sitting. =(

I don't think he is constipated. He just won't move after using it. I've started taking the opportunity to dry-shampoo his hair, figured out it is the best time to do the quick-change of heavy briefs that hospice provide us with (higher quality than Depends which got us into the balanitis conundrum) since he is otherwise totally resistant to changing or letting me help otherwise. At least he is a captive audience for the quick change while seated on the throne.

Can't leave him in there alone. I removed the lock months ago after he locked me out and I almost used it on myself while he stubbornly refused to open the door. He also has been known to mistake mouthwash for juice, will get into toothpaste and the few harmless items still in the medicine cabinet and might do anything with them. And, wipes, toilet paper, plus other unknown paraphernalia has clogged the plumbing with his help. No.

I catch him for a quick wipe down of the front part that got so inflamed recently, and some days he lets me use more water than others plus now we have a nystatin ointment to be sure he doesn't get that yeast problem that was such a shocker and led to the ER 2x in one week (7 hours and 14 hours in the ER). I didn't even report back on that experience yet as our drama has just been overwhelming and I did not have the time or energy. Treading water right now.

This morning (6-7a.m. in our tiny bathroom basically sitting, is really just too long.) So I actually broke down and gave him his morning meds, then fed him a healthy breakfast snack of loaded oatmeal cookie and warm apple juice. Yes, in the john...kinda gross, I know, but I used the big wipes to thoroughly clean his hands first, and just could not sit or stand there in the wc with him, all that time not doing anything. And refusing to get up, even with me begging, pleading, cajoling, fibbing about needing to use it myself.  

We know the classic dementia attitude. Zero empathy. No sense of time. And if he takes a bit of Lorazepam as needed (.25 per the hospice nurse) -- it doesn't sedate him but makes it even harder to convince him to relocate. 

Suggestions? (I just realized I'd better post this separately, as I really do hope for some ideas). 

Also, DH is leaning to the side to wipe...several times even after the tissue is clean (he looks at it each time) and it is causing the toilet to rock...destabilizing the tiles again...so now I know how this happened last year, leading to a leaking ceiling below and mold/mildew downstairs. Help!

abc123

LT, you made me smile! I hope the chacha continues to work for a long time.

LadyTexan

Dear Butterfly Wings. You are a pooper trooper for sure. I am sending you a big virtual hug.

The water closet dynamics are definitely fluid. My DH often tells me he has to go to the bathroom. I get him seated. He says he is done. But nothing happens/happened.  I definitely prefer that to the alternative....maybe he just likes my singing ha ha ha. Regardless of the outcome I end the toilet time with "Thanks for coming by. Come back and see me".

We are blessed to have two bathrooms. One has a small water closet that barely has enough room for both of us. When I clean his bottom, it's definitely contortion on my part. Lets dress it up and call it potty pilates. As hard as it is to maneuver in the smaller wc, it does minimize the leaning possibility. There is just no room because of the safety bars.

Good for you for using the throne time to change his briefs. I found that to be the best place for that task.

Besides my singing and short instructions to DH, I try not to engage DH in thoughts or conversations on other topics because I want him to focus on the task at hand. If he brings up something to discuss, I tell him we will talk about it when we are done in the bathroom.

I don't have any suggestions. I think you are doing everything you can in the current situation. What's even better is that you understand it is the disease that is creating the challenges, for example  Zero empathy. No sense of time..

I know it is stressful. I wish you better days ahead.

Cynbar

"Potty Pilates" has given me my chuckle for the day --- love the image!