Not sure what to do(3)

Unsure of everything

My mom has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Right now the only person she is having problems recognizing is my dad (they have been married for 56 years). We have been calling these events “an episode”. When she is not recognizing him, she absolutely hates him. She has never cursed but she is cussing at him yelling at him to get out and leave. We don’t know what to do. We have been trying to get her redirected but sometimes just noting we do helps. We don’t know what we should be doing or what we should be doing legally because she has my dad and sister living with her but should we get a POA. Any advice is appreciated.

M1

Welcome to the forum.  Oh yes, you should get a POA for legal affairs and medical affairs, ASAP.  As well as making/updating any wills they may have.  The bar for being competent to sign is pretty low, so she may still be able to complete such documents; you all need to consult with a certified elder law attorney (CELA) as soon as possible.  A CELA can also help assess their assets in case she may need to qualify for Medicaid if she needs placement now or in the future.

Sometimes getting such documents signed can be undertaken as a joint family exercise--"we are all doing them" for example.  Your father probably needs to complete these also naming you or a sibling (if you have them) as his POA in case he is also having any dementia-related issues or sbould become incapacitated (happens to all of us eventually).  The sooner you move on this, the better.

You mention that she is quite agitated at times; you may want to talk to whoever diagnosed her about medications that can help.  This could improve quality of life for her and your dad, for sure.

Good luck, I am sure others will respond.  There is a wealth of experience in the members here, as well as all of us who sympathize with how difficult it is.  

abc123

Welcome!  I just want to welcome you to the forum. I refer to it as my online family. The people here have helped me get thru some very difficult times. We have members who have years of hands on experience and they share their knowledge with us. We are here for you, we support each other. Good luck!

eaglemom

Welcome to the message boards. If you will go to the top of this page and click on the 'solutions' tab. It will bring up various topics, simply click on one that is what your looking for.

eagle