Just tired

WolverineGirl2

Hi y’all. Only child of a 73 year old battling dementia. Didn’t have nearly the issues until October of last year when the doctor put her on the poison known as cipro. From that point on, Mom now talks of dead relatives being alive, extra people in the house and stories that you know didn’t happen. We are now on the stay up all night because it’s my choice. So I lay there in bed awake hearing every little thing. Multiple trips down the hallway. Opening and shutting doors. All the lights on. So frustrating. I get up for work and she’s on the sofa sound asleep. Must be nice. I have an amazing boyfriend who helps me with anything but dang. I’m only 41. I need my own life. She goes on “dates” with us. When we don’t take her she pouts and gets grouchy. 

I’m battling a nasty sinus injection and all I want to do is rest. I made her go to bed at 12:30 tonight. Of course I get yelled at. I know she’ll be up at 4am. No doubt making a ton of noise. I JUST WANT GOOD SLEEP especially being so so sick. Grrrr. LP l trees I’m

BassetHoundAnn

Hi, Wolverine Girl. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. It sounds dreadful. My mom has recently started going down this path. Up all night, usually pacing, sleeping all day. This after a lifetime of strictly rising at 7 am every day and going to bed by 10. I've read that day-night reversal is a sign of brain damage. Fortunately she's at a memory care facility. They've been giving her melatonin before her usual bedtime at 10, but to little avail. I'm sure others can weigh in on the problem with advice better than I can give. Please remember that you, your day's work, your life and activities should always be the number-one priority. Yes, you need your own life. And you shouldn't feel guilty about it. And good heavens don't let your mom go on dates! You and your BF don't deserve that! Hugs and hopes for better days for you both!

BassetHoundAnn

Here's a link to a recent discussion about sleep disturbances which may contain some helpful information:

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147558527

M1

Hi WG, low dose seroquel (25 mg) had worked wonders for my partner's sleep fragmentation with absolutely no side effects.  This is as BH said a part of the brain damage therefore is unlikely to respond to anything except medication. Good luck-

JennB603

My mom was diagnosed with Dementia in 2011. She passed in 2019. My father (85 yrs)was diagnosed the day after she passed.

He and I never got along. He is the old school patriarch type who feels women should know their place (serving men). He didn't believe in making provisions for his care, so there's no POA, will, life or long term care insurance. I (his daughter)was awarded guardianship 2 years ago. His sons won't help at all.

He's been extremely paranoid the last 10 years focusing on his neighbor who he's accused of creating a portal into my father's attic in an attempt to go for squatters rights. Then he believed the neighbor led a secret society of town folk out to kill him so they could get the house.

He's refused to take medications the last 10 years. His BP is crazy high and his blood sugar was 417 on Thursday when he was rushed to the ER. His prostate was swollen blocking his bladder. They put in a catheter and sent him home. Visiting nurses sent him back on Saturday and he was admitted for at least 3 days. They're hoping they can transition him to a nursing facility.

I'm worrying about 2 things...

1. If they can't place him because he's not a particularly pleasant guy can I refuse to bring him home? I don't live with him and he can't live with me because I have no space, I have young kids he can't tolerate for more than 20 minutes and believes he has the right to spank them if he feels they get out of line. He is also prone to running around naked and propositioning me and the aide. I worry for my 16yr old daughter he no longer recognizes. 

2. If he got the medicine for his BP and diabetes to improve his physical health, would it improve his cognitive health?  Am I being selfish if I don't give him the opportunity to find out? He's late stage 5 and at this point he's losing his vision, mostly incontinent and the doc says his kidneys are starting to shut down. 

I want my life back, so I'm worrying I'm making decisions based on my selfish wants and not what's best for him...

I'd appreciate the opinions of others in similar situations!

Thank you!

WolverineGirl2

That is exactly what I’ve wrote down to ask her PCP for next month at her yearly physical. I’m really hoping it makes a difference. Thank you!!!! I appreciate all your comments and suggestions.

Rescue mom

Jenn, yes, you can refuse to bring him “home”, and from what you wrote, I would do that. It’s really good they are trying to place him. The hospital cannot put him out with no place to go. They will (or many do) try to convince you, or make you believe, you have to take him. You do not have to. Just keep telling them he has no place to go and they must find a facility.

They may not be happy about keeping him longer, but they are better equipped to handle him and his issues, and to find a place with appropriate care. Remember, they are often more inspired or motivated to find him a place while he is still a patient. 

And yes, his physical health may or can improve, while his cognitive abilities fail. Both can happen at once. You are not being selfish. It sounds like he will need major care, and you have a family that is your first priority now. He will need 24/7 care and supervision soon, if not now, for dementia alone and you can’t do that without a lot of other people helping. You have to take care of your children and yourself.

I would also strongly  advise talking to an elder law attorney about Medicaid and other legal matters, since you do have guardianship, which could have some effects if your state has some unusual laws or regs in that matter.