Absentee Adult Son (AAS) Came to Visit

LadyTexan

DH and his AAS were estranged for over a year. DH reached out to AAS by phone over a month ago. Since then there have been several positive phone calls initiated by DH. AAS came to visit on Saturday.

The visit went well. AAS brought his girlfriend who is expecting their 1st child. The girlfriend brought her puppy. 

I am very happy that DH and AAS are reconnecting. I am happy because it makes DH happy. I have other feelings that I am still processing. I feel like I stepping into a modern day version of the prodigal son. The parable, not the TV show.

At one point, the son invited us to go have lunch with him and the girlfriend. I bowed out because 1) I wanted them to have together time and 2) I wanted AAS to see DH's behaviors when I am not around to assist. 

I got DH dressed in going out clothes. I made sure DH was comfortable going without me. I discretely told AAS that it is tricky getting DH in the car. Right before they were about to head to the car, DH decided he wanted to stay home so he could be close to his toilet. 

The son and girlfriend went to lunch, then came back by briefly before they made the 2 hour trip home. They were at our place about 2 hours total, which I think was long enough. I hope the reestablished relationship continues. 

Ed1937

That's great. Keep him happy, and that'll make it easier on you. And that's something you desperately need. Consider that a win/win.

French

Lady, I think that the girlfriend and the baby’s arrival have helped. When you become a father, difficult to ignore your own father.

I hope that it will continue.

My partners son hasn’t contacted since September 4. Never asked how Tunisia went… I decided to stop being proactive. After 3 years trying, I have fed up with unilateral efforts.

Joydean

Lady, if it makes your husband happy and a little easier for you it’s a good thing. I would only say keep your guard up.

extex

My wife has two AAS.  One is MAAS (mostly absentee adult son), the other TAAS (totally absentee adult son).  MAAS lives 4 miles away and comes to see his Mom about 30 mins per month.  TAAS lives about 1/2 mile away and hasn’t seen his Mom in two years, then only for 30 mins.  Both live in rent free houses owned by their Mom.  MAAS is available to lift his mom off the floor when she falls but TAAS doesn’t even own a phone. Really a pair to draw to.

Joe C.

LT, It’s is a positive development that your husbands son is reconnecting and I agree with French that the girlfriend & expecting a child of his own may be prompting this change. Nourish their relationship in any way you can, family connections are so important on this journey.