First timer

Kalaniks

This is my first time here.  I am trying to take care of my 75 yr old husband who has dementia.  We live in a small town in S.E. Kansas.  No one has told us what type of dementia he has.  They just shove a pill at him and tell him he has years before we have to worry but I see things progressing quickly.  We have always had a peaceful marriage but in the evenings (sundowner for sure) he seems to want to bicker with me.  I really don't have support and I have my own issues with depression/ anxiety disorders.  I am about to burst.

HELP!!!!!!

M1

Hi kalaniks and welcome, youve found a good place for virtual support at any rate. I wonder if your local Council on aging or Alzheimer's association could put you in touch with local resources if you need them? There is also a free 24/7 hotline, 18002723900, you can ask to speak to a care consultant. But there's much good information here, read many threads and you'll undoubtedly find things that resonate with your situation. Good luck,this is not easy and we all lean on each other.

Crushed

we are here  for you.  Nice people who have all been through the mill.  Ive been on this road 11 years. 

Ed1937

Kalaniks, welcome to the forum. We have a lot of good people here who are willing to help whenever they can. Ask specific questions, or just rant. We'll be here for you. Sorry you have to be on this road with us.

Doityourselfer

Being a caregiver to a spouse with dementia isn't easy.  You'll find much support on this website.  Maybe your State Department for Aging can give you some resources.

CBHlove

Also my first time here. My DH is 76; I’m 61.  I think he is really in a progression. I’ve been noticing things for about a year but particularly the last few months. I have a strong suspicion that a hearing impairment is compounding any cognitive issue. But he is 90% fine, and 100% adamant that he has no issues with hearing or anything else. I recognize him from some of the other posts on here: agitated constantly, very irritable, lapses in logic, memory, occasional word loss. “He’s mad at me for not sharing his furor over other drivers” really resonated with me. Do I dare approach head-on? Ignore & try to get us into a marriage counselor? 

Is there a group or chat room better suited to the spouse of someone pre-diagnosis? If you were to meet him today, you would just think he was a curmudgeon and not see what I do.

jfkoc

Welcome from me too. Your state university has an outstanding neurological dept. and there may be a branch near you.

Laurie1282

CBHlove-- It sounds like you and I are in about the same situation.  My DH is 79 and I am 63 so we share a larger age difference than most. My DH has hearing loss too and I wondered for a long time if that was the cause of the memory issues, etc.  He did get hearing aids, but rarely wears them (sigh).  My DH was diagnosed with MCI probably due to Alzheimer's last January, but only went to the neuropsychologist at the strong urging of our only son. 

One thing I have learned in the last couple of months is that problem solving, critical thinking and even empathy are some of the first things to go.  My sweet, understanding and supportive husband is now sniping at me, getting mad if I try to take charge of things and staunchly opposing a move from our large, old home on an acre lot. I have learned not to try to reason with him about much and am just quietly making plans "behind his back" for our future.

Do you have someone your husband respects and may respond to better to help convince him to get tested?  It really helped when our son talked to my DH. Maybe a trusted friend?

I know that times are going to get much harder, but these early stages are not easy either.  I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, not knowing what my role is from moment to moment.  He can't run the remote, so gives it to me all time, but refuses to let me help him figure out his supplement insurance. 

Sending you virtual hugs as you travel this new path!

Joydean

Welcome, I have only been on here a short time, but I will say these wonderful people here have been a blessing for me. I can honestly say I’ve learned more from them than from my husbands doctors. Like all the others I’m sorry you have to be here.

Iris L.

CBHlove wrote:

 But he is 90% fine, and 100% adamant that he has no issues with hearing or anything else. 

Welcome newcomers!  Please read about anosognosia.  PWDs (persons with dementia) truly believe they are fine, and see no need for doctors, medications or changes in their routine.  If you try to confront them with reality, they will resist  and become upset.  This is not denial, it is a characteristic of dementia.  You will have to learn work-arounds from the members to get things done.  The members here are knowledgeable and willing to share.  Keep reading and keep posting.  

Iris L.