I cannot do it But i can do it

Ed1937

This is the way I sometimes feel. When it is the worst of times, she won't do (or won't let me do) what absolutely needs to be done. When these episodes happen, they last about 1/2 hour or more, so most of the day she is pretty easy to care for. When it's over, it's in the rear view window. I am much stronger than she is, so if needed I can physically force her into submission. But I won't hurt her. I hate to do that, but I have done it twice. I have never forced her into anything in almost 64 years of marriage until dementia stepped into our lives. I hate it.

Last night was one of the bad times, but I did not have to force her. Some time after it was over, she told me she wanted to leave. I asked her where she wanted to go. She said "Any place that will take me". Then she asked me why I was so mean to her. I told her I loved her, and I would never be mean to her. So goes another ride on the roller coaster that so many of us have ridden.

amicrazytoo

Ed - I replied to one of your earlier posts and I had a hard time replying. I wanted to say it won't be easy, but the video I just watched instructed me to be more neutral. We can't do it, but we do. Sorry you have had such a difficult time lately.

M1

Ed I'm again so sorry.  I know the feeling.  It is so exasperating sometimes and everyone's feelings end up hurt.  The hard part is that she will almost certainly forget, but you won't.

Paris20

Ed, I’m really sorry. I think we all go through those awful times, every day it seems. The other day, my husband insisted that we were in the town where we lived 50 years ago and that we needed to vote in that town. I made the mistake of trying to convince him where we actually were and he accused me of gaslighting him. He repeatedly told me that I was wrong, he knew it, and I’d better stop driving him crazy. I wanted to scream.

White Crane

 Ed, I totally understand how it feels to be on that roller coaster ride. I’m right there with you as most of us on this forum are.  I’m so sorry you had such a rough time. You are a wonderful husband and caregiver and your wife  is very blessed to have you. Sending hugs and prayers.

Brenda 

Doityourselfer

Ed, it sure is a rough ride.  I hope you have a restful night.

Jo C.

Ed, I am sorry for the fallout feelings from having to do what must be done; you are a true hero in so many ways; none better. 

Warmest of thoughts and deep respect being sent your way,

J.

Jeff86

Adding my sympathy, Ed.  Totally understand how you feel.

And you nearly quoted Beckett’s Waiting for Godot:

“I can’t go on.  I’ll go on.”

It’s as if Beckett understood what it’s like to be a caregiver for a PWD.

Ed1937

I didn't expect any replies. It was more of a rant than anything else. But one thing's for sure. Any replies to something like this come from people who understand where it comes from. I hope everyone has a good day.

Today started out  little differently. I was making breakfast when my wife called me. She has upper dentures, and two teeth fell out. Or maybe she did something to them to cause it. Anyhow, after several phone calls I found a dental lab who will have the job done for me this afternoon. Didn't have to go to a dentist so they can make $$ either. That's a win.

Jill, if it makes you feel any better, I had trouble posting around the same time you did. Must be a site problem.

jdmg1

Oh, Ed, I am so sorry.  You are a good man.  Your wife still knows that on some level.  I am glad she can communicate her feelings to you.  DH and I didn't communicate much and that was difficult on us both.  Although, he did find ways to communicate without words.  One time, after he had been physically aggressive with me, he got down on his knees in from of me.  His poor legs were so swollen, I have no idea how he managed that feat.  The gesture was an apology.  It shattered my heart.  But, we had a beautiful bit of time together where I told him how much I loved him.  I am not trying to make this about me.  But, I wanted you to know that something very special can come out of turbulent moments. And, in the end you will find comfort in those memories.