How to get someone with Dementia to eat?

Heather_T

Hello,  My mom is 75 and has vascular dementia as well.  She does also have Tardive Dyskinesia however we are trying to help that with medication.

My mom was doing well, then in May of this year headaches started and were very bad for several months with nothing helping her.  Soon we noticed her Tardive Dyskinesia getting bad and also her Dementia.  Now it’s hard to tell what is causing what.  The past few weeks she has felt like she had to go to the bathroom, I mean constantly, one day my stepdad tracked it and just from morning to 1p, she had him help her to the bathroom 33 times.  He started to track that’s how we knew and she would really only actually pee every 3-4 hrs.  Other times it was maybe her mind or body telling she went in her pants or she had to go.  Has anyone experienced this?

Also, I know that with later stages of dementia the person simply doesn’t want to eat, or can’t.  We keep trying, anything that she will eat and make it a form (like purée) that’s easy to eat.  How do you get them to eat, we feel it may help her become stronger.  Right now her body is failing her and I feel we are losing her.  Has anyone been able to turn it around and get their lives one to eat?

I’m not ready, never ever will be to lose my mom, I just feel this came quickly and maybe there is something more we can do to help her.

Thank you for any help and for listening.  Tonight I will cry myself to sleep with the thought we are losing her, she will never come to my home again, all those things running through my mind.  I can’t shut it of. 

Iris L.

Tardive dyskinesia may be caused by psychotropic drugs.  Has this been ruled out?

Iris L.

towhee

Welcome, and I am sorry you have to be here. Have you checked for a urinary tract infection? Usually when we feel bad or in pain we lose our appetite, even if we don't have dementia. You can try liquid supplements such as Ensure, or high calorie smoothies. It is a good idea to keep your doctor informed of all changes. It might help your mother and you if you talked to hospice, they might have advice and help for you.

jfkoc

Please rule out an UTI asap. Untreated a UTI can lead to sepsis and be very dangerous.

Please get her to an Urgent care right away.

MN Chickadee

If she has not seen her doctor recently that's imperative. I would definitely check for a urinary tract infection. They are very common in seniors and a person with dementia (PWD) and can often go unnoticed other than a change in skills or behavior. Sometimes they can't communicate it feels different or painful, you just have to watch for subtle clues. Her having to go to the bathroom so often makes me wonder if she is in some discomfort there. For sure test for UTI. The home strips are not reliable, it needs to be done by a medical clinic or urgent care and have a culture done if it is positive to find the right antibiotic.  Most PWD do end up in Depends in later stages of dementia and they become doubly incontinent, this is a normal progression of the disease. Some become obsessed with the bathroom (or all kinds of things for that matter) and it is a phase of taking them all the time and/or distracting and redirecting some. Eventually they forget the sensation of the full bladder and how to use the toilet on their own. When in Depends family or staff usually take them to the toilet about every 2 hours whether they ask to or not to hopefully catch as much as possible in the toilet instead of diapers. 

The doctor can also help evaluate the feeding situation. Sometimes an evaluation from speech therapy is in order - they can look at the swallow mechanism and see if food is going down as it should and if not advise what to do and how to modify the diet. You are right to offer appeasing food. Don't worry about a balanced diet right now, just try to get some calories in. Ice cream, pudding, whatever she will take. And if the doctor and none of the advice here helps, it may be time for a hospice evaluation to make her as comfortable as possible from here on out. Hospice also has services to assist the family members.  I'm sorry you are feeling so down right now. It is a long hard journey full of endless grief. Take care and keep us posted. 

kyronae

We're in the exact same place with my mom. Five weeks ago, she was stable, walking, and eating. Then she just suddenly started refusing food and rapidly lost weight and strength.

We've brought in hospice, and that has been an amazing boon. I know that's a scary word, but they've honestly been a godsend and even though hospice only gets approved by medicare when someone "likely" only has 6 months left, this isn't a predictable situation. The hospice staff let us know that some of their case load has been in their lives for years.

Since bringing in hospice, we haven't been able to really get a lot more food into her (she's just not letting us), but she HAS been accepting a bit more of the protein shakes we have. We found a flavor she likes and, even though we can't get enough into her, it's definitely more than we were able to when she started to decline.

She's also suddenly been more responsive and verbal than she's been in ages. If I had to guess, I'm thinking my step-dad (Primary caretaker) was just worn down and they'd gotten into a routine of sitting beside each other on the couch, not interacting. She wasn't talking, so he'll just put the TV on and they sit together. Now she's dealing with less sensory information and she's had numerous visits from family (plus, I'm lucky enough that I was able to work with my job to let me come down and be here for this stretch). I'm not going to give false hope and say that it's added more time for us. It might have, but I'm not counting on that. What I can say is that this is the best time I've had with her in AGES, and it's a blessing to have people on call when I have questions. Medicare also covers a lot of the supply costs when hospice gets involved, including a hospital bed for our living room, depends, swabs to keep her lips from drying out, pads to help keep her cushioned, etc.

I'm not ready, either. But if my experience can make yours a little easier, then I hope you get a wealth of good days with your mom, too.

live in daughter

Hi Heather, my Mom had episodes of not eating - we would give her Boost- chocolate kind which she liked. This dietary supplement helped to keep her nutrition up when she wasn't eating much. After a few days she would seem to perk up again and start eating. We pushed protein- scrambled eggs as much as we could. It seemed to be the right consistency for her as she had began to have problems with swallowing.

My Mom also had episodes of frequent urination. It was always associated with a bladder infection which a few people have mentioned. 

We had a number of bouts with Mom where we thought we were losing her as you express. She would always rally within a few days. These bouts were always associated with bladder infections. 

It is a hard situation to watch and experience first hand. My sisters and I gave her the best care we knew of and the rest was up to God. My prayers are with all of you.

Hope this helps.

mommyandme (m&m)

I was talking with my moms hospice nurse this week about aids to help me maneuver mom to the bathroom.  She’s getting weaker and less confident.  In that conversation we discussed a catheter which can help with comfort.  She said sometimes a PWD feels like they have to go suddenly and want to get up repeatedly.  (This doesn’t consider a UTI which should be ruled out).  In those instances a catheter can really calm them and let them rest. My mother has complete bladder incontinence and cares less about it.  Occasionally I’ll hear that she realizes “it’s just coming out” but for the most part she’d sit in wetness indefinitely.  Apparently, suddenly she could switch to wanting to get up constantly to go which (if uti was ruled out) it would be more comforting for her to have a catheter.  We aren’t there yet.   

What you describe sounded like the example the nurse shared with me.  That’s my first thought.

Second thought is I’m just sorry we’re all here but grateful at the same time.  Sending peaceful thoughts your way.