Toileting fallout - parking on the potty and other issues

ButterflyWings

Seeking some help with our new stage:

I have recently just been squeezing into our small bathroom with my DH as he can't be in there alone anymore. After our nightmare stint with balanitis (the things we learn about on this journey!) and poop galore etc of a few weeks ago I just have to weather the wrath of his indignation that someone is in his private space after all these years. I am the bathroom stalker, shadow, interloper, companion and oh well. That is that, from here on out. He can't go alone.

Our biggest potty problem right now is, he is spending 30 minutes to an hour just sitting. =(

I don't think he is constipated. He just won't move after using it. I've started taking the opportunity to dry-shampoo his hair, figured out it is the best time to do the quick-change of the heavy briefs that hospice provide us with (higher quality than Depends which got us into the balanitis conundrum) since he is otherwise totally resistant to changing or letting me help otherwise. At least he is a captive audience for the quick change while seated on the throne.

Can't leave him in there alone. I removed the lock months ago after he locked me out and I almost used it on myself while he stubbornly refused to open the door. He also has been known to mistake mouthwash for juice, will get into toothpaste and the few harmless items still in the medicine cabinet and might do anything with them. And, wipes, toilet paper, plus other unknown paraphernalia has clogged the plumbing with his help. No thank you.

I catch him for a quick wipe down of the front part that got so inflamed recently, and some days he lets me use more water than others. Plus now we have a nystatin ointment to be sure he doesn't get that yeast problem that was such a shocker and led to the ER 2x in one week (7 hrs one day, then 14 hr in the ER). I didn't even report back on that experience yet as our drama has just been overwhelming and I did not have the time or energy. Treading water right now. Having hospice on board though he is not actively dying is a huge help.

This morning he spent from 6-7a.m. in our tiny bathroom basically sitting, that's really just too long. So I actually broke down and gave him his morning meds there, then fed him a healthy breakfast snack of loaded oatmeal cookie and warm apple juice. Yes, in the john...kinda gross I know, but I used the big wipes to thoroughly clean his hands first and I just could not sit or stand there in the wc with him all that time, not doing anything. And him refusing to get up, even with me teasing, begging, pleading, cajoling, fibbing about needing to use it myself and even getting mad (which I know, never ever helps). 

We all know the classic dementia attitude. Zero empathy. No sense of time. And if I give him a bit of Lorazepam as needed (.25 per the hospice nurse for anxiety, belligerence, combativeness) -- it doesn't sedate him but adds sluggishness -makes it even harder to convince him to relocate.  

Suggestions? 

Also, I see that DH is leaning way to one side to wipe...doing this several times, even after the tissue is clean (he looks at it each time) and it is causing the toilet to rock...destabilizing the tiles again...now I know how this happened last year, leading to a leaking ceiling below and mold/mildew in the half bath downstairs -- which is why its unusable when I really do have to go at the same time, and he won't budge. Help!

RanchersWife

What if you added a bidet seat? It would allow you to wash him or it would not be intolerable and make him get up. The water can be heated but doesn’t have to be...The good ones blow dry too. We have a Brondell 1400. It has a remote The remote is currently missing (I thought we were past the snatch and hide stage) and another one is ordered. Sigh. The remote comes with a mount case that will be put way up high next time.

ButterflyWings

Thanks RanchersWife - 

The bidet seat isn't a bad idea for hygiene purposes but I have a feeling it won't change my DH's other behaviors of parking on the toilet longer and longer, and leaning/making it unstable.

I realize in my long story, I was venting but also looking for suggestions 1). to get him off the toilet in less than 1 hour, and 2). also any advice for his tilting/rocking toilet which is loosening the tiles and subfloor again. It loosens the wax seal underneath, causing a slow leak in the ceiling below that creates mold/mildew. 

I have no idea how to fortify the toilet, tiles, subfloor, or whatever it would take to not let this just keep deteriorating. Meanwhile, I am going to look at the bidet seat options too. Thanks! 

harshedbuzz

With the added information vis a vis the rocking and structural damage that causes, I would lock the bathroom and move him to a commode chair with arms and a liner. 

My dad rocked their 5 toilets off their flanges. I suspect he'd been constipated given his restricted diet, poor hydration and complete lack of physical exercise on top of previous radiation treatment in that area. 

HB

ButterflyWings

Harshedbuzz- simple solution and a brilliant idea. I did not think of that & we had a new bedside commode delivered with his hospice admission last month. Will see how cooperative he is with changing to that.  I will have to change the doorknob to a keyed one I guess so it can be locked from the outside and then say “bathroom’s broken”. (It actually is, and getting worse. Yep, flange - that is what the plumber/carpenter showed & explained last year during repairs but I couldn’t imagine how it happened.) 

Thanks for the suggestion!