care giving to mom

Firedoggy

In Jan my wife age 64 died of EO/FTD I retire at age 58 to be her care giver. She died at home with her children and dog present. My problem is my mom who is 90 has dementia and my sisters want me to take care of her while they keep on having fun. I don't  think they have any idea of the emotional cost of care giving. Any ideas on how to handle this. I burned out

Whyzit

How wonderful of your sisters to recognize your skills at caregiving. It would be really unkind of you to deprive them of their opportunity to develop the close relationship they have always wanted with their mother. Politely thank them for their consideration but decline their generous recommendation because your schedule of events is full. Be sweet and kindly let them know you are unavailable and fully retired. Then go after a dream you have had to put on the shelf. Go fishing, play golf, travel, update your home, take a class, learn to scuba dive, join a grief recovery group, see a counselor to help yourself work through your choices. Today is the first day of the rest of YOUR life. Don’t let anyone steal your joyful future.

Please come back here for encouragement whenever you need it. Great supporting people are here. God bless you as you face this situation. Let us know how things work out.

abc123

Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your wife. 

I’m also sorry about your sisters. I do not think you should have to care for your mom, they should do it. Be firm with them. Good luck!

DJF62

Please accept  my condolences. I myself  am  taking care of my 82 year old mom who has been diagnosed with dementia in August.  She was doing pretty  well  up until  this past week. She has also now developed  sundowning..  The dementia  has been  slowly  getting worse.  I am really  struggling  with  this. My mom was a very  happy  vibrant  woman. Now she doesn't  seem  at times to know where she is. I feel  like I am losing my best friend. 

LadyTexan

Dear Firedoggy. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. 

In my opinion, you need to take care of you before anything else. You have been through an experience that is draining physically, mentally and emotionally. 

I hope your sisters will step up and step in. They need you to tell them that you are unable to take on the task. I agree with the other advice provided. TAKE CARE OF YOU. Be firm with your sisters.

Doityourselfer

Firedoggy,  

I'm sorry for the loss of your wife.   You deserve to step away from caregiving and take care of yourself.  You matter!  Tell your sisters it's their turn to learn about being a caregiver for someone with dementia.