assisted living to memory care

lemontree

So my mom had a shaky arm for awhile and said it was nothing for a few years. Then she fell and broke her femur and it came to light that 2 years prior she was diagnosed with parkinsons, and during her hospital stay about her leg, they pulled her drivers license. The state my mom lives in there is a waiver program, there was all kinds of paperwork to evaluate her for the type of care she needed. This all took over a year to do all of the appointments. In the meantime she could not live at home and because of my health and age I cannot be a caregiver and my sibling refused. So my mom was in a board and care, and then on a list for a waiver.

While waiting for her name to come up on the list, she ended up in the ER and that put her at the top of the list. And while I looked for a place she was in skilled nursing. With covid and lockdowns she couldn't move. And finally things were lifted and they threatened to throw her out. So I moved her to a place that has assisted living and memory care. They put her in assisted living but then said they were going to put her in a traverse program. Plus they have all her paperwork mixed up and said they lost her admittance paperwork and don't know how she ended up being admitted. So I had to get new forms. They do not answer the phone, are giving her food she shouldn't have and it is not going well.

So, I do have paperwork saying she only has parkinsons and heard of openings in another town and sent it in and they said they will not take her, at her age and her parkinsons she needs memory care. I was advised to contact another property they have which I did and saw it today. It is full memory care and she isn't as far along as many there.

I just feel like I have failed her, my sibling wants her to go to the board and care and hope if she gets an ER situation they will place her. All this time trying to find a place, and she has gotten worse. The other day she could not remember the names of her brothers.

The crime is very high around where she is and it takes over 3 hours to get there, the place I saw today only takes 2 hours to get there.

I have worries the memory care place won't take her, and if they refuse and she can't go to assisted living, what am I supposed to do then?

SusanB-dil

lemontree - don't feel you are failing her.  You are the one caring and watching out for her best interests. I know it is difficult.  Could you try/keep trying for other facilities in the meantime?  Sorry I don't have more, but do know you are not alone.  This is hard.

jfkoc

Does she have Parkinson's dementia?

tramey50

What you are going through is so difficult. It’s not your fault. I was (and to some extent still am) in a similar situation. Covid has just added to the difficulty…lack of caregivers, quarantine, etc. It’s so hard to know the right thing to do, and once you do what you think is the right thing, you question your decision. 

It helps to get as many people on your side as possible. I work with our Area Agency on Aging, the local Ombudsman, my Moms doctor, the facilities administrators (when and if they call me back), the Medicaid waiver people, the Alzheimers Assoc hotline, and now Hospice. It really helped finding her a doctor that specialized in geriatrics and dementia, but I know we lucked out with that.

My Mom is in a memory care place, but not getting the help she needs. She has been falling, and they don’t have the staff to help her. My sister is spending nights there to help her. We are trying to figure out the next move. I’ll call the Medicaid social worker and the Hospice social worker. Hopefully they’ll have ideas.

Again, I’m so sorry for what you and your Mom are going through. There are no easy answers, but you are doing your best. Call your local Area Agency on Aging and see if they have ideas. They will know the local resources and may have a social worker that can help you. Take care, it’s not your fault, Tracy

lemontree

Thank you for your reply.

lemontree

Yes it is, it started as parkinsons, turned into vascular dementia. She is in complete denial and says she broke her leg and never got to come home.