He thinks he knows everything

Paris20

My husband always had a strong ego. Now, with Alzheimer’s, he seems to try to prove his self-worth with every interaction. If I tell fiblets, he tells humungous whoppers, except that he believes he is telling the truth. If someone mentions a country, any country, he has been there. If someone mentions a famous person, he has met that individual. In the old days I would have called this “Delusions of grandeur.” Now they’re just delusions.

We’re having a new water softener installed. My husband already attacked the installer, telling him, “You don’t know a damned thing about what you’re doing. I know more than you ever will.” I ran over to the guy to tell him my husband has Alzheimer’s. He had already figured that out. I have been playing 20 Questions with my husband ever since, except that it’s the same question repeated 20 times. “What is that man doing in our basement?” 

Have any of you observed these self-aggrandizing delusions? I think I can figure out what they do for my husband but it’s crazy-making to me.

Rescue mom

This story-telling (delusions, confabulation, lots of terms for it) and made-up stories is very common. They usually believe it themselves; they don’t think they’re lying and you can’t convince them otherwise (IME).

I think most caregivers decide it doesn’t really matter, or it doesn’t hurt anything, and let them them make up stuff. We just nod and say “uh huh”or “wow”, or “how about that.” Etc.

 He met Queen Elizabeth? Wow. He did that  in Japan (he’s never been)? That’s amazing! It happened at Thanksgiving, not Christmas as he says? Fine. 

Not worth a fight. You need to save your energy for other things. If he’s telling these stories to others, they’ll probably know it’s not quite right, or you can wink and nod, or tell them later. 

Workers in and around the house is another thing, and another common problem. This was a big sore point for my DH and led to similar problems. I learned to tell workers first thing, before they came to the house, that DH has dementia. Usually they can deal, they just need to know not to take orders from him. 

The best thing was to have work done without DH knowing they were there. Can you take him for a drive? Does he sleep late, so they come early? Can you distract him to a different part of the house? I always thought DH would notice the results of what was done, but he did not. If he did not see it happen, it didn’t happen. If an encounter was unavoidable, yep, he’d be angry. Then I’d have to distract him, not talk about it, and move on.

Earlier in all this, we had an old longtime friend here doing work that put him in in DH sight, unavoidably, and repeatedly. DH remembered Bob, but could not grasp why he was here. So, as you say, every 30 minutes it was “what is Bob doing here?” Yes, it’s crazy-making. You just have to tune it out, answer quick and move on. The sad part is, this phase usually doesn’t last long.

Michael Ellenbogen

IIs there any chance they may be true. My wife thought  the same about me till she realized I do have oat of famous  friends  and she could no believe it. Some times we just don't talk about these things. And as far as knowing more then the worker I can relate to that.

Rescue mom

I may be over-thinking this (DH had a different term) but I believe these made-up stories make us so crazy because we are starting to realize that rational conversations—the daily life things, inside jokes, shared past—are becoming a thing of the past. And a lot of us have talked about the pain and loneliness of that.

Jo C.

Paris20

Thanks to you who replied with your very informative answers. My husband and I have been together since we were teens so I know where he’s been and with whom. He was a professor at an Ivy League university, traveled the world and did, in fact, meet some well-known people. I accompanied him on many of these trips and knew about all the others. He certainly would have mentioned famous people he had met on trips. 

When DH says he met Nelson Rockefeller, I know that’s true. When he tells me about his trip to Japan or his having met a former President or a blonde bombshell movie star, I know that’s confabulation. Today was particularly tough because the delusions were mixed with the appearance of the repairman, who made quite a bit of unfamiliar noise in the basement and upset my husband’s routine and security. I’ll try to plan future work on the house with today’s experience in mind. I shall also keep my mouth shut, even if he tells me he flew with Sully to Timbuktu.

harshedbuzz

Paris-

My dad was exactly as you described. He had mixed dementia and one of those specific forms has confabulation as a primary symptom. 

Predementia, he likely had some mental health issues- his own geripsych thought perhaps bipolar disorder while a psych I worked with wondered if he was a bit of a sociopath- to outsiders he looked like a big personality. With the lack of filter  and underlying personality/mental health made for interesting times. He owned houses everywhere, including every house on his street and the next. He was always the hero of any story.

I found validation and praise worked to make him feel loved, valued and secure. You dated Marilyn Monroe? You must've made a handsome couple. 

I found it generally best to get my parents out of the house for any significant home improvement or moves. He thought he could do the projects better, cheaper or differently so it was best he was out for the afternoon or holed up in a local hotel for the duration. 

HB

jfkoc

Paris...there were times when going along with my husband's "experiences" made for a remarkable afternoon or evening. I viewed those moments rather like a grownup tea party.