How to tell LO she is going to live in MC now.

PurpleDaughter

LO is my mom.  She was in full renal failure 10 days ago, they got her kidneys stable but the hospital recommended a stay in geriatric psych for medication reset.  She’s ready to go home now but she needs memory care.  Dad has this provided for her right next to their home.  She is going to only want to be with him…but she is so sadly past being able to live independently even with Dad.  Any advice or sweet ideas will be helpful.  We just can’t stand to break her heart …all she has talked about is getting home from the geriatric psych unit.  Which is hard for us to grasp that she’s even been there.  To tell her in the psych unit has not felt right….and now we have to drop it to her tomorrow as she moves in.

harshedbuzz

You don't need to tell her "you're going to live here now because you are too much work for dad". You sell the MCF as a temporary, physician ordered place to get stronger after her hospitalization. Validate her frustration/anger/disappointment at not being home. Rinse and repeat.

dayn2nite2

You don't.  She goes there, when you're asked you tell her the doctor has ordered she stay at the MC until she is "stronger" and then you let her settle in.  You help her attend some of the activities they have, join her at the table for meals and talk about how great they are, etc.

MN Chickadee

I agree, you don’t tell her. Once our loved ones reach this point it is best to use therapeutic fibs. The brain damage does not allow them to comprehend our logical reasons and explanations. The kinder thing to do is to find whatever works to bring them comfort. Reducing negative emotions and anxieties all that matters, not the truth. I would call it a temporary stay to get stronger, the doctor wants you to stay a few more weeks. When she asks to go home don’t tell her she never will, just say maybe next week. The initial few weeks will be hard. A difficult transition is par for the course. Just be patient, take it one day at a time. Eventually she will settle in and stop asking to leave.

jfkoc

ditto the above...the facility is simply her next step after the hospital