He lost his wallet.

White Crane

This afternoon has been especially wearing and exhausting.  About a month ago, DH lost his wallet.  I really believe he accidentally threw it away.  He had taken his money out so there was no monetary loss.  The only thing in it was his picture ID.  The whole thing has morphed from he lost his wallet to him saying someone stole his wallet...while we were at church!  This afternoon, he went on a three hour rant about his lost wallet and nothing I said or did could persuade him that he hadn't lost any money and that no one had taken anything out of our bank account using his debit card.  I looked him straight in the eye time after time after time and told him there was no money in the wallet; I called the bank and cancelled his debit card so we didn't lose any money ( a fiblet ).  No matter what I said, he just looked at me and asked again how much money was in the wallet and how much money did they take from us.  After three hours, I had tried every approach I could think of to get his mind off his wallet.  Finally, I gave him some Rx anxiety medicine and prayed that would calm him down as he had worked himself up into a shaking mess.  He is finally calm but my nerves are still jangled and I feel like someone has beaten me up mentally if not physically.  The books say to distract and re-direct.  Not DH.  He is like a bull when he gets his mind on one thing.  My whole Sunday afternoon was one big...I don't even know what word to use.  I'm tired.

Ed1937

I can understand why you would be tired. You've had a lot on your plate lately, and this didn't help any. I'm sorry. You need a break.

If that wallet doesn't show up pretty quickly, you might want to consider cancelling that card. It's easy enough to get a replacement, but when there's a problem, it takes a little more time and aggravation.

jfkoc

Distract and divert. Both good but you are still dealing with another person's reality and that really need to be validated.

He knows money was stolen...tell him only 7 dollars. Then agree how awful it is that someone would steal something. Help him work through it. Changing his mind is not likely to happen.

Maybe do not get anew one.

[Deleted User]

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Ed1937

Victoria2020 wrote:

I put a photocopy of the ID card in my PWD wallet , printed on photo paper and have a scanned copy on my phone. The original is hidden, too much of a pain to replace it.

That's a great idea. Saves a lot of anguish.

 

M1

Agree that's a good idea Victoria, at least to have a copy in my wallet.  I'm a little leery of putting a copy on my phone lest it be hacked....

Kevcoy

Many times a wallet or set of keys aren't really lost just put in a place for "safe keeping". One thing that has been a godsend for me are airtags.  I've got one in his wallet and another on his key chain so when we can't find them I check the app on my phone and it sends out a signal to the airtag and it starts beeping.  Found his wallet one time behind some china dishes in the dining room.  I have taken all of his medical cards for Medicare and prescriptions out of his wallet and keep them locked in a cabinet.  I also like the idea of making copies of everything to keep in a separate file.

Paris20

Is there any way that you can buy a wallet that looks like the old one, put a few dollars in it, and tell him you found it…in the car between the seats or under the bed, etc.? If need be, you can distress it a little to make it look aged. I find I fib more often to my DH these days. Last week we had a new water softener and ultraviolet cleaner installed. I told DH I rented it so he wanted to know the cost. I told him $100 a month and he had a fit. Of course he forgot what I had told him so each time he asked about the cost, I dropped the number. I was able to stop at $40 per month. That seemed to satisfy him.

I would add that I took the important contents of my husband’s wallet and put them into mine. He had lost so much stuff over the previous year that it was absolutely necessary that I take charge. When DH asks where his credit card is, I tell him I borrowed it and will give it back to him later. I did the same with his checkbook. It works well for me and he hasn’t complained. Maybe it’s a relief that he doesn’t have to handle those things anymore. I know it is for me.

Doityourselfer

Have you looked under the couch or some other odd place for the wallet?  My husband used to hide his wallet in his sneakers and place them under the couch or in a drawer and say that someone stole it.  It was very  stressful trying to find his wallet so I began to carry it in my purse.  He has no use for a wallet these days.  I now keep his ID and insurance cards in my wallet.

Hope you have a better day.

White Crane

The wallet is still missing and yesterday DH started ranting again about someone stealing it. Remembering what Victoria said about validating his feelings, I was able to agree with him how awful it was that someone would steal his wallet at church.  When he asked if there was any money in it, I said maybe there were a few dollars but not much.  This seemed to help and the upset only lasted about a half hour this time...great improvement!

Thank each of you so much for your replies and suggestions.  I like the idea of making a photocopy for him to carry and I can put his real ID in my purse or another safe place.  And the airtags sound like a good idea too.  Most of all, thank you all for being here and listening.