New here - LO's wife abandoned him, and now he's fixated on her

agandbg

Hi all - 

Thanks for any insight here. Have been caring for my dad since June 2021, when his wife dropped him on our doorstep. We've known he has had cognitive issues for several years, but his wife had for years kept him away from his family and so we were unable to see how severe his cognition had gotten. My dad was just diagnosed with alzheimer's 9/2021, and is currently late-stage (~Stage 5), with no orientation to time/place, barely sleeps, and is still fairly independent with ADLs.

Long story short, I'm now his primary caregiver, and have been struggling with his extreme anxiety around his wife not being present. She's still alive, and they still speak on the phone (it's the only thing that soothes him), but he asks about her literally every 5 minutes ALL DAY, no matter what is happening around him, and no matter if he's just talked to her or not.

 I have asked her to provide a video of herself having a conversation so he can watch it when she's not available to answer the phone, but she has not. When my dad can't get ahold of her, he works himself into a froth and is unable to get back out of it until he talks to her again. 

Has anyone else had a similar situation, or any thoughts on options for alleviating his anxiety? He's currently unmedicated due to the newness of his diagnosis (both Psych and Neuro have so far refused prescriptions). 

I've honestly thought about even getting him a pillow with her face on it, or a life-size cardboard cut-out, but I don't want to freak him out... 

Thoughts?

SusanB-dil

First, Welcome to our little corner of the world. I have found it very helpful and supportive here.

Sorry to hear your predicament.  The only thing i could think of is if any distractions or re-direct to any other activities, work? Or would there be anyone you could call who could maybe talk to him over the phone to calm him down?  Not to pretend it is her, but maybe like a surrogate to just talk, even if it is yourself, or sibling? Thinking that if speaking to her over the phone helps, maybe someone else on the phone just might.  Sorry i don't have more, but do know you are not alone!