Therapeutic Fibbing?

HeartOnSleeve2210

Hello all! I haven't posted on here in awhile. My GM and I can tell that my Grandfather's AD is getting a little worse. He often remembers things that never happened, like thinking we went out somewhere when we actually stayed home, or thinking that he went to work when he's been retired for a long time. My GM and I usually correct him, and it doesn't bother him, he doesn't get agitated or anything. His mind is still pretty clear, and it's at its worst during the evening. I was wondering, would it be better to just go along with the memory? Or is that somethin that should be saved for when he's in a more severe stage of the disease? Any advice is appreciated!

nikopapp

I would say it doesn't hurt you to just go along with it, but it is better for him.

I had to get to that point and realize the same with my mom recently, so I understand.

But it is better for her if I just go along with her stories rather than try to debate or correct her.

Just no point.

Enjoy the time you have and understand the disease, unfortunately we are the ones who have to adapt.

Paris20

Heartonsleeve, you have described my husband’s symptoms, exactly. When he asks for his mother or brother, it’s often within the context of calling them. That’s when I tell the truth that they are gone. He doesn’t become upset. Sometimes he’ll tell me that’s what he thought but I think that’s just a cover for his memory-loss. 

There are other times, however, when the fiblet is much more effective. Last night we watched a documentary about the Normandy invasion in WW2. He said that if he had only been a couple of years older, he could have been a flyer in the war, killing Nazis. I felt it was a kind of Walter Mitty moment for him, so instead of telling him he would have been one year old in 1944, I just said that he would have made a great WW2 fighter pilot

GothicGremlin

I tend to just agree with my sister when things like that come up. She'll bring up stories that are actually true, but often they are things that happened to me, not her.  I just roll with it. 

It's like what nikopapp says - it's better for him, and doesn't hurt you. Their reality is different than ours (particularly in the later stages), and we have to come to them, not the other way around.

Emily 123

Hi,

You don't have to correct him. Just go along with him.  This helped me understand more about the things my mom was experiencing as her memory started to go: 

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

We use our memory a lot when we have a conversation  Because the person with dementia loses their most recent memories first, they lose their place in time, and use older memories to fit  into the story, even if it makes the story kind of not make sense. That memory is as real and recent to them as your memory of what you had for dinner tonight.

Anyway, he believes that what he's telling you is real, and so no harm done if you just go with the flow.

HeartOnSleeve2210

Thank you for the advice! The only problem I can forsee is that he often asks for specific places of where 'so and so' has gone, things like that. It's hard to know what to say in response to that.

kyronae

You can always be a little vague. If they ask who did something and you say you took care of it, or if he wants to know where someone went and you want to just say "They're away for awhile," it is often enough to ease things. It also depends on how grounded he still is in the "now."

Basically, if I know what my LO is referring to, I try to say something vague that is as close to the truth as possible. (Example, if she called for my grandma, I would say she wasn't available, but I was here right now, rather than reminding her that her mom had passed years ago). The more grounded your LO is, the more they might want details. I wouldn't lie, in that instance. But I tried very hard not to bring attention to slips if I could avoid it.

Iris L.

Emily 123 wrote:

We use our memory a lot when we have a conversation  Because the person with dementia loses their most recent memories first, they lose their place in time, and use older memories to fit  into the story, even if it makes the story kind of not make sense. That memory is as real and recent to them as your memory of what you had for dinner tonight.

This is a great explanation of confabulation.  Thank you, Emily!

Iris

HeartOnSleeve2210

Thankfully, he's still pretty grounded in the now. I'm really grateful for that. I'm gonna give this a try. Thank you!