A tough love talk

RobertsBrown

Mrs. will not shower or bathe.  Will happily fight about it.

I was gone too long...in my office sorting out an accounting mess, and then I noticed things were real quiet.

Finding the two poopy hand towels in the kitchen sink was a horrifying first. You may recall that I have had a real hard time overcoming my aversion to being a bathroom attendant, something I now excel at.  So, I knew we had a mess, and probably needed clean undies.  As it turned out, it was worse than that.

I told her she needed a shower, like right now.  Battle begun, but I got her cleaned up and in clean clothes, but she was chewing me out the whole time, and I had finally had enough.

I sat her down and told her that we have changed, that we are not the people we once were, but that I promised her I would watch out for her not matter what, and that means I will never let her be a mess.  Period.  Never gonna happen, and she can hate me for it, but I will never quit.

She settled down, and things improved, but that's not the point.  We all know that agreements and understanding have a shelf life measured in minutes.

The point is this:  I was speaking to her, but I was saying this to myself.  Perhaps a recommitment to my promise to a fine young woman that we would stick together come Hell or high water.  At any rate, that's my truth.  I will not let her illness make a fool of her, or put her in a condition that her healthy self would not find acceptable.

Buggsroo

I have had a similar chat with my husband. He has to take a shower a couple of times a week. I can understand your feelings here, a semblance of normality is necessary. I always ask him after he is clean: ‘Don’t you feel better now you are nice and clean?’

RanchersWife

Last week the usual script started with the hollering and clutching the bar before I even knew the extent of the mess. My MIL  knew what the situation was and what was coming. This was not a case of her brain not understanding and her being afraid. I told her that I was going to clean her up and she was going to let me. She was also not going to yell and scream at me. She just looked at me and let me shower her. I also told her that the extra showers were her fault because she hid the bidet remote. I originally felt guilty for being a bit stern but the talking to was such a success that I don’t anymore.

LadyTexan

I struggle with this. DH is so stubborn and defiant. He does not respond well to authority. These traits were present before the Alzheimer's. 

I have had a head cold for several days and felt very puny. DH seems to resist my guidance more so when I feel ill. My sister pointed out that it only seems that way because I feel ill. I did not appreciate her observation at the time, but she was probably right.

My expectations of DH changed because I was wanting him to step up, to share the load while I tried to rest. Unfortunately, he is not capable of stepping up or sharing the load.

I do like the idea of saying things out loud to myself. In our case, I will be sure DH is out of earshot. 

Ed1937

RobertsBrown wrote:

As it turned out, it was worse than that. I told her she needed a shower, like right now. 

Been there, done that. Several times. It's always a fight, but 10 minutes after it's over, she's fine.