Embarrassing situation

French

Saturday evening we were invited by friends of mines. When we arrived, they told us that another couple will join us as well another friend, perhaps with her partner.

When the couple arrived. What a surprise, they recognized my partner and he recognized them. They already met several times because they had a common friend. It was before me met, 14 years ago. They asked for news and then I heard my partner telling them that he has stopped working and is now taking care of old people. The answers were sometimes confusing and they began to have doubts and ask what was the mystery. Then, my partner explained he will go to Tunisia, to live in an hotel, because the girls there are very young and nice.

At this point there was something enormous between every body, I was red because of confusion and my friends were also embarrassed. The couple directly asked « where is the catch ? »

 I could see that the other guest, who had arrived and was listening, had understood. I learnt later that she was working in an adult daycare.

I finally spoke up and explained that my partner has Alzheimer and goes to the adult daycare to take care of the older people there, and has been in a special hotel in Tunisia, where he can live safely. 

Hopefully they weren’t embarrassed and continued the discussion asking him lot of questions about Tunisia and the other woman was knowing the caregivers working at his daycare, so that he was still included and the center of the discussion.

We couldn’t stay till the end of the diner because he began to complain  about stomach aches. Usely, when he complains, it is too late so I preferred to leave before it goes through the clothes. 

So, very strange diner, but quite a good one.

And my conclusion is that I must always remind our hosts to tell the other guests about Alzheimer 

CStrope

I just recently had some "business cards" made up to help with this very situation (and others!)

They simply say "My husband has Alzheimer's.  Please be patient with him.  Thank you for your care and understanding".  

We have had too many uncomfortable situations in restaurants already, so I'm hoping these cards help alleviate some of that.  They just arrived a couple of days ago, so I haven't had the opportunity to use them yet.

Josie in Podunk

It is a fine line we walk with our spouses on when to say something and when to remain silent.

Mostly, I take my cues from whomever we are with.  If they seem confused or uncomfortable with his words or actions I will take them aside and explain.  If they do not seem bothered I leave it alone.

I realized sometime back that I was the one who became uncomfortable or embarrassed early on in this journey.  That was quite a wake up for me….I didn’t really like my reaction to that…if felt shallow and self-serving. So, now I watch, listen and wait.  What he does or says is never purposefully vague or hurtful, so I need not be embarrassed by him.  If other folks are uncomfortable or confused, they can ask me or they can move on.

CStrope - I like the idea of the cards.  And, it is a wonder to me that I did not think of that.  I have a great granddaughter who is autistic and we made cards for her.  Thank you for the reminder.