Difficult decision

xupd50tla

MY Mom is 73. I'm only caregiver for her. She's getting worse. She doesn't know me. Sometimes she thinks she is in a nursing home. She sees people that's not there. She is either sleeping, eating, or screaming to top of her lungs for hours. She had three strokes and now has Dementia. I have been taking care of her for four months. I stay on edge everyday. She wants me to stay in her room 24/7 which gets on my nerves. She won't even let me to use the bathroom myself. My mom is not here. It is just her body. She is bed ridden. She can stand very little. She can feed herself if I give it to her. I'm having a little trouble getting her to take her medicine. It's like she forgets to swallow because she chews them. I'm trying to decide to put her in a nursing home or not. I tried twice already and backed out. I just feel so guilty. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm upset everyday.

RosesareRed

Dear X:

I am so sorry for your situation.  My dear friend - it is time!  You have done a wonderful job to this point.  She needs more help than you can give, and you need relief.  You cannot continue at this pace.  It sounds like her dementia is progressing rapidly.  DO NOT feel guilty.  You have done nothing wrong.   A skilled nursing facility will be able to handle her many needs and the needs that will arise soon.  And you will be able to take care of yourself so that you can be a better daughter to her.  

My prayers are with you and your Mom.

M1

I second that.  You have no reason to feel guilty, you need help meeting her needs and there is no shame in that, at all.

ladyzetta

I third that.   I had to place my DH when I realized he needed more care then I was able to give. It sounds like that time has come for you and its going to get worse. To keep your self from going crazy and seeing that your Mom gets the best of care, I would place her. Hugs Zetta

GothicGremlin

I just placed my sister in memory care, so I know exactly how this feels, and I understand the feelings of guilt, because I feel that too (although I'm starting to get past that).

Your mom, like my sister, needs more care at this point than we can give them.  I agree with the others, it may be time to consider placing your mom. 

kyronae

Dear X,

You are doing a superhuman job, but you are not a professional. It's not just smart to get help--it's the right thing to do.

That could be sharing caregiving tasks with other family, finding regular volunteers through local churches/charities, hiring in-home staff, or moving her into MC. These are all valid options, and it's okay to pick the one that lets you actually recharge and recover. You are not trained to deal with this. You need to be able to take care of yourself, or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

A lot of the issues you mention have various solutions, but it sounds like the most crucial is that you get some assistance--both for your LO's health and your sanity. 

This is such a difficult path, and it's not one you have to navigate alone.