Travel or vacation questions

frkrygow

DW and I just got back from a two day vacation. I guess I'm trying to do these while it's still possible to manage things. She needs lots of guidance.

The problem: We were at the huge Air Force Museum in Dayton, Ohio when I felt some bowel problems. I told her emphatically to wait right where she was, and that I'd be out of the restroom in maybe five minutes. I had no other option.

When I emerged, she was gone. I tried calling up her location using Life360, which I have installed (without her knowledge) on the cell phone in her purse. For whatever reason, that didn't work; it showed her location as the memorial we'd left at least half an hour ago. I tried ringing the "Cube" tracker in her wallet, but as is often the case, the Cube showed up on my phone as "Disconnected." (That's been a real disappointment.)

As has happened before, she had simply forgotten to stay still, forgot I was in the restroom, and took off looking for me. Luckily it was easy to describe her, and the first person I asked had seen her 100 yards from where I left her.

Later, on the way home, we stopped at a highway rest area for the same reason. I told her to wait outside the restroom door. In a few minutes, she was inside the men's restroom looking for me.

If we are to go anywhere, there will certainly be times I have to use a restroom! How do others handle this problem?

And more in general - how do people handle traveling?

Rescue mom

Find “family-friendly” or child-parent bathrooms, or any single bathroom where you can both go in at same time. As you’ve found, the PWDs reach a point where they cant remember to “stay,”.  Or they get “lost” inside a large public restroom. (This happened to my DH with Alzheimer’s , he could not figure out the turns in the exit).

A lot of people take friends or family with them to help watch the PWD. I also learned you can’t always depend on strangers. They may indeed be super-helpful—or they may have their own schedules and mini-crises to handle. They mean well, but when their own kid runs off, or wife screams to hurry up, they may not stick around.

 This is one of the lesser problems that pretty quickly ended our travels together, which is still a terribly painful loss.

Crushed

from about 2013-2017 I knew I could not let DW out of my sight.  We made trips to Africa , Europe Hawaii, Yellowstone and the Southwest.  You get used to it

JJ401

We traveled by air a couple of weeks ago. I had read in this forum about TSA assistance, but thought he’d be ok. We were fine on the way down. On the way back, we got separated at security. He’s over 75 and does not have to take off his shoes. They had him be patted down instead of walking through the metal detector. It was still ok until I was randomly selected (for the third time in my travels) for extra screening. DH was just standing looking at the items rolling down the security belt looking befuddled. I knew I could not refuse screening so I asked the agent if someone could bring DH over to us while they extra screened me. He looked at DH and then me and said he’d swab my hands for explosives and let me go. I grabbed DH, asked if he had his keys, watch, and wallet, and we went to put my shoes on. As we were going to the gate the TSA agent who had patted him down came running up with his cell phone as I had forgotten to ask about his cell phone.

Lesson learned. If you are traveling with someone with dementia, no matter how many times you have traveled in the past, or how good you think they will do, sign up for TSA travelers assistance. You don’t want to be separated at security.

dayn2nite2

Please do not leave her again.  If she has to come in with you then that's what needs to happen.

The following article gives you the absolute worst-case scenario:

What Happened to Nancy Paulikas After She Vanished from LACMA? (lamag.com)

Paris20

Last summer my husband and I traveled over four hours to visit my 99 year old mother who lives with a full time aide. We stayed at my brother’s house. My husband and I had stayed there many times but my he was totally lost there. He wet and soiled himself because he couldn’t find the bathroom in the middle of the night. Fortunately, he was covered in Depends and the bed was covered in hospital pads, so all I needed was a garbage bag, which I had also brought with me. I had brought a package of large wipes, which I also placed in that garbage bag. After that first night, I locked the door so he’d have to wake me up to get out. He went into my brother’s bedroom one morning while my sister-in-law was getting dressed. I vowed never to go away with him after that visit.

Taking him shopping is almost as bad. Like a toddler, he grabs all the sweets and chips and insists upon buying them. I give in because he becomes very upset if I tell him no. He has little appetite for the junk food at home. I wind up eating it. The supermarket delivers to me now each week. It’s just not worth it to me to go through all the stresses and strains of worrying about accidents, wandering, temper tantrums, etc. We used to travel extensively in Europe, Canada, and the US. Those days are in my past.

Iris L.

dayn2nite2 wrote:

Please do not leave her again.  If she has to come in with you then that's what needs to happen.

The following article gives you the absolute worst-case scenario:

What Happened to Nancy Paulikas After She Vanished from LACMA? (lamag.com)

Thank you for posting this extensive article, dayn2nite2.  

My Memory Club had flyers about her and discussed her disappearance.  At a certain point, PWDs should never be left alone, certainly never away from home.  They don't recognize their surroundings and they are unable to communicate sufficiently.

Iris

JJ401

The article is heartbreaking and frightening. At the end of the article I was struck by the reference to the LA Found bracelet program. I looked it up.What a wonderful program!

Shevie

I am heartbroken by reading your post. I have had two incidents where DH wandering at the store/parking lot. Grateful to these informative yes sad posts. Thanks for sharing with us. Hang in there. My Life360 for DH has been not exact as well. The “Cube” what is this?

French

I think that our next travel to Tunisia could be the last one without the airport assistance. 

In September we had to change plane in Paris CDG, well known because it à a very complicated airport. Hopefully everything went well. 

You have to be very well organized, so that your PWD has nothing to do. No luggage, no phone, nothing but their clothes and shoes. And even with this precaution, security can be a challenge. At a moment you have to go through the security gate with your back to your PWD. And after, he/she has also to go through the security but without understanding what to do. 

Last month, my partner took is suitcase back from the  treadmill and wanted to go through the security gate with it. The security guards tried to explain what to do but couldn’t. I had to go back and help. 

I will try again next month because the assistance here is always with a wheelchair and I think it will be difficult for him to accept that. I will perhaps let him go before me through the security. We will see if it is better.

Fortunately, we both can hold without going to the bathroom a whole day so that for the moment, I didn’t had to manage this, but if it was an issue I think I would ask somebody to travel with me.