Pondering the Irony

MarLee92

Just an FYI - I was Lee1992 and changed my user name to MarLee92, just so nobody's to confused.  

I've posted about my MIL and my LO not being able to accept it.  Last night I was thinking of my own widowed mom.  2 years ago she suffered a massive stroke, that was terrible.  She was in rehab for 2 months, to learn to walk again, talk, etc. but would still require 24/7 care when she was discharged (thank GOD my dad planned for this and we had that option).  We had the decision to let her go home, requiring hiring someone to be with her 24/7 or to put her in AL.  At this point we weren't sure of the extent of her short term memory.  I felt strongly that my mom would do better at her own home and long story short, she has been flourishing at home.  She still has issues, including short term memory loss, but it is at a point I can figure out what she is trying to remember and I usually use humor with her, which she really responds to.  I have one LO who continues to be a debbie downer and points out whenever my mom isn't "perfect".  So now as I think of my MIL, I am feeling the irony of how now I feel she would be better in AS or MC and would probably flourish for awhile.  And that staying home is not good for her.  And that to my LO and sibs, I'm probably the debbie downer now to them.  I really hate being thought of that way. I think the only thing that helps me with all of this is I come from the same place in my heart for both my mom and MIL - what's best for them and not what's best for anyone else. Doesn't make it easier though.

Stuck in the middle

You are Practical Paula, not Debbie Downer.  If staying at home works, good.  If it doesn't, time for something else.  It's not a matter of preference for home living versus professional care, it is about what each individual needs.  What works for one LO might not be the best for another.

Life is easier when you don't care what other people think about you.  Easier said than done, though.

MarLee92

I am pretty much someone who doesn't care what others think, but it is hard.  And in this case, with in-laws involved, it's about helping and then also respecting their need to figure things out themselves.  Although honestly I have to say I don't know when that will ever happen.  They haven't discussed the future at all and when I look ahead, I see alot of problems with finances.  My MIL does have all her legal papers done - POA, trust, will, patient advocate.  I'm thankful that we have that taken care of.