I new here.

LizzieleeG

 I’m Liz. 

My 80 y.o. DH was just diagnosed with dementia. He is stage 4/5 out of 7. I’m 18 years younger. 

I knew he was changing for almost 2 years because I was becoming increasingly annoyed with him and things he was doing. 
Now he has been diagnosed this month. 
He also suffers with severe uncontrolled diabetes. Most of the time he refused or just apathetically won’t take his meds. 

It’s one thing to see the changes, but another to receive the actual diagnosis. I am so angry… mostly about his allowing his diabetes to become so bad. The dementia just happened. However, to say it is not affecting my own health is not true. I have heart issues, and am on disability for another issue. 

I’m angry and scared. Scared that I cannot properly care for him with my own limitations. Scared that I cannot afford care for him because we are both on SSI. I just don’t really know what to think at this point.

M1

Hi Liz and welcome. My partner is also 80 and stage 5, I am 15 years younger. She hasn't been able to manage her medical conditions for at least three years, so it doesn't surprise me that his diabetes is uncontrolled. You or someone is going to have to do it for him, and I would blame the dementia, not him. Sounds like you should consult a certified elder law attorney (CELA) quickly about how to get him qualified for long-term Medicaid if you are anticipating that he will need placement. I think you can find CELA listings at nelf.org. sorry you are facing this on top of your own health problems, as the caregiving can be very stressful. Good luck-

Iris L.

Welcome.  Read as much as you can on the Spouse/Partner board.  You have to take over his meds and everything else.  Many PWDs (people with dementia) develop an unrelenting sweet tooth.  This makes things harder.

Iris L.

SusanB-dil

Hi Liz - welcome.

Sorry you are dealing with all of this.  I do agree on looking into getting an attorney.  Ask them about getting a POA (Power of Attorney) in place as soon as possible.

We also deal with caring for LO with sugar issue.  She was on high-end of pre-diabetic.  When covid hit, the shelves had no sugar.  As far as she knows, still can't get sugar...  haven't told her otherwise, and we do not bring it into the house.  One company puts out brownie mix (favorite) and cake mix sugar-free.  I try to make something at least every other week with them, and other sugar-free recipe treats as well. I know, some would say maybe not the healthiest, but this is what works for us.