Visiting at the nursing home

Elferspm

     My husband has been in skilled nursing facility 5 months due to a fall and  late onset ALZ.  It seems no matter what time of day I visit, he gets agitated after a few minutes and disagreeable.  He tells me stories that are imagined and I agree with whatever he is saying.  I never correct him and just go along for the ride. I don't ask him questions as he can't answer them. 

I was wondering if it was my actual visits that makes him get agitated,  causing a disruption in his daily routine that makes him so agitated.  Any one have any experience or thoughts on this behavior? 

Ed1937

You could very well be the trigger that gets him going. I'm sorry. 

Another member was having the same problem (being a trigger). She went to see him, while wearing a wig. He didn't recognize her, and she was able to cut his hair while she was there visiting. This might work depending on where he is in the progression. Best of luck to you.

Elferspm

Thank you for the feedback.  I no longer want to go see him as it seems that both of us do not get anything from the visit.  I do not want to "abandon" him because of the disruptive visits as I need to be sure the facility is seeing to his needs, especially his hygiene.  The wig is an idea.  The last few times I was with him he said I looked like his grandmother.  I wonder what a wig will do?  I'll try it.

Jo C.

This is a difficult dynamic.  I found that my LO was triggered to irritability whenever I visited in my LOs room . . . . . however; if the visit was in the large activity room where other people were sitting or walking about, my LO was fine.  Go figure.

So; whenever I visited, it was never in my LOs room.  I always had staff get my LO to the activity room where we sat alone at a round table with chairs.  It is also good to bring in a little treat of something the LO likes such as favorite cookie, or candy, or fruit; perhaps a favorite magazine or other item.  For some, that too is helpful.

When leaving, one can say that one has a dentist appointment, or that one needs to go and use the restroom rather than changing the dynamics by saying goodbyes which again can be a trigger. My LO never recalled I had left to use the restroom.  When leaving, let an aide know you are going and that your LO may need to be guided back to his room or engaged in an activity that would refocus him.   You will find something that works.

J.

Jo C.

Aha!   Here is the link sharing how one wife disguised herself by wearing a wig, a COVID mask, a fake name tag and speaking in an accent:

https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147558553

Ed1937

That's it! Thanks for the link.