Loss of bowel/bladder control.

RobertsBrown

This is no easy topic.  A taboo subject ingrained in my brain, but here goes.

Our sanitary issues have changed very very fast.  What was an occasional skid mark job turned into a daily attendant job with me having to persuade my gal to let me clean her backside.  This is obviously invasive, and she quite reasonably does not like the embarrassment and feeling like she can't take care of herself.  On a good day, she complains and tolerates it, on a bad day she will object, and on a real bad day she will avoid going to the bathroom when she needs to.

Today was day one of loss of bowel control, followed pretty closely be loss of bladder control.  Both of these occurred when I was out of the room for a few minutes, and both events resulted in her being very animated, borderline hysteria, and talking nonsense about people being here and the dogs being 'afraid'.

I made a mistake in getting absorbent underwear...the first ones I ordered were for 'heavy' events, and they were too bulky.  I sure wouldn't want to wear them either, but it set a wrong tone, and even when I got some discreet underwear it was too late.  I was trying to 'put diapers' on her and she wasn't having it.

Now I am here, in this new place.  I have a person who literally can't remember how to wipe, or where to put the used tp.  She sometimes tries to wipe back to front, and I worry that she is carrying poop across her girl parts, but I really am out of my element here to know how to sort her out.  I try to get her to put up with me taking care of her backside, and I give her a fresh cloth to do her front side, but I have to talk her through it and it's just...well, it's just hard.

I apologize for the graphic nasties, but I sincerely need some guidance here.  I am not a nurse, I don't know what level of care a person needs in this area, and it is mentally challenging for me. I am doing things now I would not have imagined myself capable of a month are two ago, and I am sure I will get good at this too, but my gosh it's not even easy to talk about.

And, yes I had to clean some furniture where a poopy butt was sitting, and when the bladder let go it wiped out my entry way.  tomorrow is going to be rug wash and floor mop day. I am very concerned about becoming a house that smells like incontinent old people.

As a kind of funny side note, we live on a farm.  My daily chores include swamping out horse stalls, so my break from dealing with poop is dealing with manure. Manure is better.

LadyTexan

Good morning Robert.

Incontinence is not a taboo subject here. It is part of the unpredictable journey for most of us. Like most other challenges I have faced on this journey, I have learned how to manage by the caregiver heroes on this forum.

You were certainly thrown into the trenches yesterday. You did well. Don't apologize for sharing the "graphic nasties". It helps other carers learn and prepare for what may lie ahead for them.

Thank you for throwing in the funny side. I needed a giggle this morning.

Best wishes for a better day today.

Ed1937

Roberts, you're not alone. My wife has occasional nasty accidents. She is also urinary incontinent, although she does fairly well with that during the day. It's not a fun time, but you and I will both get through it.

Battlebuddy

This is a very tough spot to be in . For me it was part of the Late Stage 6 Horrors. 

   I feel very bad for you. I was very lucky to get my husband to transition to pull-ups without much notice. Some practical advice: 

 * Remove all underwear but pull-ups from the underwear drawer. Tell her the doctor wants her to wear them. 

  *. Remove rugs if possible . Just go down to bare floors or cover with a heavy tarp. I used a plastic floor mat that is used for office chairs for a while next to the bed. 

   * Cover chairs with see through shower curtain liner and staple gun in place where possible. 

   *  Cover  couches and stuffed chairs with waterproof dog care seat covers.

    * Invest in adult size baby wipes on Amazon.

  And last but not least Have a bucket at the ready with Natures Miracle available. It’s a very tough thing to go through and many people can handle it for only so long . Then placement comes. 

    

jfkoc

So not taboo but I can understand the difficulty of talking about it.

A couple more hints;

6 sided waterproof matress cover....now!

shaving cream is good for poop clean up

hydrogen peroxide in a spray bottle...sanitizes/cleans

protect all furniture where your wife site...we used disposible...crib mattress covers can be cut into 4 pieces

be very careful with wipes...none of them are flushable

tcrosse

I'm in about the same spot with DW and her newfound unrinary and bowel incontinence. Never having had a baby to clean up after, it's first day of school for me, so I'm grateful for useful advice. What amazes me is how such a petite woman can generate such a large amount of urine, or maybe it just seems that way when it's in unexpected places.

60 falcon

Something I learned just yesterday. I need to put together an "accident kit"and keep it in each bathroom. The kit needs everything needed for a cleanup. Expecting her to just stay in one place and not spread the mess, while I frantically try to gather everything needed, just isn't going to happen. I already have a "kit" in the car, but now I know I need one or more readily available in bathrooms is needed too.

jfkoc

another;

keep cleaning supplies and a change of clothes in the car

RIM

A poster mentioned using a Brondell  Swash 1400 bidet.  I bought one for my elderly father.  It spray cleans from inside the toilet.  It’s controlled via remote control, so you can direct the cleaning outside the bathroom.  It does the job, but takes a few minutes of spraying.

Diem

Robert,

 I feel your pain.  I dread it when my husband uses our bathrooms.  Sometimes he renders both of them unusuable and I don’t realize it until I need to relieve myself and notice the mess.  Then, before I can go to the bathroom, I must glove up and go in with disinfectant.  I’ve considered investing in a HAZMAT suit.  Not only does he miss the bowl when he pees, he smears poop all over the seat and even gets it down into the hinges when he sits!  I’m not sure how that even happens.  Yesterday, I had to clean a smear of poop off the wall in our master bath.

Our friends no longer want to invite us over for dinner because they don’t want him to use their bathrooms.  They don’t say this, but I can only assume this is the reason.  He also has wet his pants at other peoples houses which is awkward.  I’ve gotten him some incontinence pads but he won’t wear them.  He says, “Men don’t wear those things.”  The ones I bought are made specifically for men.  He also has the disconcerting habit of starting to unzip his pants as he is walking toward the bathroom and has his equipment out long before he gets into the bathroom.  Our house has drips all down the hallway.  I’m so happy we decided on tile floors!  A lot of mopping goes on at our house.  When I try to remind him not to unzip  until he gets in the bathroom, he snarls at me to mind my own business.  If he only did this at home, it would not be so bad, but he does it at other places too.  Hmmm … maybe this could also be the reason for the lack of dinner invitations.

I agree with you, Robert.  If one must deal with poop, animal feces is preferable to human.

  

Yorklady53

Diem, my DH does the same with unzipping and pulling his pants down on the way to the bathroom. I never take him into a store anymore because of this. All my shopping now is done on Shipt for groceries and various sights for clothing and sundry items. I am even more housebound than before.

tcrosse

DW fights like the devil when I try to remove her soiled pants. I'm stronger than she is,  but I'm afraid that I'll hurt her in the tussle. By the time I get them off she has calmed down and become cooperative.  My sense of smell has gotten good at detecting when it's time for a change.

Gig Harbor

Does she have any remaining female friends who could tell her about the wonders of depends for women of a certain age who have bladder problems. Also install a heated bidet and you keep control of the remote so you can stand back and wash her off. Tell her that this is what European women have and she is so lucky to have one. You could also try wearing male depends so you can say you are both doing it now. I have no idea if any of these ideas will work but they might be worth a try.