I've been thinking about this for awhile

GothicGremlin

One of things my sister and I talk about a lot is the fact that she feels like others often treat her like she's not worthy of respect and they dismiss her.  I tend to do my best to counter those messages. Just because she has Alzheimer's doesn't mean she's "less than."

So in light of that, I've decided to post a photo of the two of us from long ago, and I've decided to name her -- Peggy.  I've always liked that photo and I think it captures the essence of who we are.  Peggy's usually tentative and looks for approval, and I'm usually the protective one.

Stuck in the middle

Cute girls.  Good idea, too.

I like the idea of "I am more than . . ."

I am more than an elderly man.  I am a father, a son, a husband, a teacher, a caregiver, a poet, a friend, and more.  

What are you?

IDrive3

That's a great picture, GothicGremlin!

I think our sisters would be friends.  My sister, Margie, has been saying "I'm an adult." a lot lately, probably her way of saying other people aren't treating her with respect.  I think some of the many caregivers we have had didn't help her to feel "adult".  And then there's those people that are going to make her move...

Iris L.

Loss of personhood is a very real fear.  It's great that you understand and are countering this notion!  Peggy is fortunate to have you!

Iris

Mint

Enjoyed this post.  Thank you.

sandwichone123

I think this is great. It's similar to putting pictures of people in their various roles in the prime of life when they are in memory care or a nursing home. Not to remind *them* of who they were, but to remind the caregivers of who they are.

When my mom was at the end of life and in the hospital, the nurses were so bossy, condescending, yelling at her (she was not hard of hearing). My dad pulled them aside and explained the various people she'd been--the work, hobbies and successful child-rearing she had accomplished and hopefully instilled a little respect for the person.

GothicGremlin

Yes, Sandwichone123 and IDrive3 - this is how I see it. It's about respect. All of our loved ones with dementia are worthy of respect.  It bothers me to no end when people talk past Peggy when she's sitting right there. It's like she's invisible, and it happens all the time. Once time at an optometrist, the doctor asked me a question about Peggy's eyes. He didn't look at her even once. I responded with, "So Peggy, I bet you can answer that question better than I can." Then I repeated the question while looking only at her.

And it's experiences like that that also go hand in hand with what Iris said about loss of personhood. Peggy will often state that she is a person - which is very related to what IDrive3 said about her sister Margie being an adult.

And Stuck in the middle - I like that phrasing better - "more than" rather than "less than". At this point it's hard to say what I'm more than, besides tired.     I'm a lot of things, a privacy advocate, a writer, an amateur paleontologist, but what I feel like I'm becoming, and what will probably end up being the third act of my life, is an advocate for people with Alzheimer's.  I feel it coming.  I'm not sure what it will end up looking like, but I'm an activist at heart.....

SusanB-dil

Look up the poem:  "Crabbit Old Woman"  or "What do you see nurse poem"

The poem starts off with "What do you see nurse, what do you see...."

There is also a "nurse's answer" - but the original poem is very fitting.  And although I know more nurses who really do care (thank God for them), there are some people in general who just don't seem to!