M1

Jo C.

Hello M1; am thinking of you this morning and wondering how things went yesterday with your Thanksgiving dinner with your nephew and his S.O. and hope that all was peaceful and without strife.

J.

M1

Jo it got postponed until tomorrow, but I'll let you know.  Things are tough, I'm thinking I may have to bite the bullet and get rid of the animals:  her obsession with them is getting the best of me.  But removing them from the home may kill her, literally.  Wit's end.  But something has to give here.

I'm frankly wishing the nephew weren't coming, but perhaps it will prove a distraction.  We'll see.

Jo C.

Oh M; I am so sorry.  It must be exhausting.  This means you have a lot of work you are in the midst of what with dinner for company and all the other responsibilities.  Not the most positive situation to be sure.

The situation with the animals is sad but it has been a growing issue for so long and if it is getting more florid, it seems you are correct in that things may not be able to stay the same.

Since she has become obsessed with the animals and cleaning, and since she has had other issues that have grown and become more difficult to handle, do you feel she is at a point that since all lesser measures to help have failed, that she may need a change in her medication to help her have a better quality of life?  That may help with extinguishing or at least lessening of obsessive behaviors and other highly negative behavioral issues which will also release you from so much tribulation having to be always on uber-guard on top of everything else which seems to no longer be working.  Just a thought.

Have to say; you have been the kindest and most patient of persons and have gone the extra mile again and again.   As things progress, do you have a Plan B if it becomes necessary and at what point would a Plan B come into play?  I know you really want her at home and you are doing your very best to try an ensure that; you are a true blessing; yet it seems that some change has become necessary.

Let us know how you are doing and how things are going; I am hoping that the dinner visit will help things somewhat even for a short bit of time . . . one never knows; remember to take care of you too. 

Will be thinking of you and hoping that the visit is peaceful and a plus,

J.

Ed1937

M1, I'm sorry things have gotten so bad. No doubt getting rid of the animals would be a big change for both of you, and I hope you can find a way to help with her demeanor. Is medication an option? Whatever you do, consider your own health. She needs you healthy so you can be a better caregiver.

We're all pulling for you to have a successful dinner tomorrow. You need something to go your way.

abc123

M1, I’m so sorry to hear this. I am praying for you both. I truly hope the nephews visit brings good things for everyone. You are such a good person and a good caregiver! I hope you get the break you deserve.

ButterflyWings

(((M1)))- sending you big hugs and positive thoughts for better days, in some ways at least. Whenever I had to make a change that I felt my LO would stress about, I did it via stealth operation and just disappeared things without discussion. Sometimes bit by bit. Half the time he did not notice, which shocked me (but was a relief). Other times he noticed much later or someone else mentioned it, reminding him (grr). But that gave me time to think of a fiblet.

Can you somehow re-home the animals without involving your LO or having her see them go? Seems like that would be best if so. And the stories my DH believes, (or creates if I leave it up to him to help me imagine an explanation)— lets just say it surprises me every time I’m sure he won’t accept a rationale... he most often does.

I hope your visitors are a positive distraction. You deserve a lift

M1

BW Im glad to hear from you, was thinking about you today. Thank you. I think you're right, it probably needs to happen without her knowledge. The cats are the worst of it (for now). Two are quite elderly and I don't think they would rehome easily, but to euthanize them seems very hard too. This will take some thought and consideration. Just not today-the turkey awaits.

Rescue mom

We lost a dog (actually two dogs, one earlier in DH  Alzheimer’s) and I fully expected DH to be hugely upset. He doted on that dog. But he was not. I’m not sure he noticed much at all, except the dog died at home and DH saw the body. He had very little noticeable reaction. I was stunned.

Also what Butterfly said. If I got rid of something without DH seeing me move it or take it away, he never noticed it was gone.

 That includes some big items, like furniture, as well as small stuff,  things I thought had sentimental attachment. He did not notice. 

But if I told him (as I tried to do more of earlier on), or if he saw me, there would be huge upset. If I just did it, he never knew.

M1

The visit went well. We liked the girlfriend a lot, hadn't met her before, and both were very understanding. I do think the nephew was a bit taken aback at the repetition and lack of recognition of family members, but he handled it well.

I got up at six to start cooking, so it's an early night. Thank you all for the good wishes.....

Jo C.

Oh, good; so glad that it went well.  Exhausting I bet.  So hope she is calm today, "the day after."  Even the littlest successes can mean so much.

Take good care and hope you get a little rest to recoup.  Will be thinking of  the two of you.

J.