When they no longer know their loved ones

Ed1937

I've often wondered what is is like for them. I experienced something similar in a dream, and it was not a fun time. I was supposed to pick up one of our kids from Grand Central Station in NY. When I got there, there were thousands of people in the place. All of a sudden, everybody looked exactly the same. All men, all dressed the same, all physical characteristics the same. I couldn't find my LO. They all looked alike! It was scary. I wonder if they feel anything like that?

Michael Ellenbogen

It is extreme torture especially when you know you should know who they are.

Rescue mom

My mom was in AL and MC for years, when she and many/most others (all significantly impaired) did not recognize LOs. Most of them did not seem frightened or agitated. Some might ask “who are you?” but the answer did not matter much.

I expect earlier stages, when they know they *should* know but don’t, or they perceive confusion, it’s scary. It would scare me if I knew I was not recognizing family. But by the time they’re regularly not recognizing family, IME, most are not upset by that.

I think crushed has written about how his wife no longer recognizes family, and is not upset or scared about it.

I am pretty much always trying to imagine what my DH with Alzheimer’s perceives. I am pretty sure I cannot, in much detail. His brain works differently, to the extent it works. 

I can see when he’s angry, agitated or upset—those broad terms—but figuring out “why” can be harder. Like us trying to figure out when they are “bored,”. What would bore us is likely to be very different from what bores a person with greatly reduced cognitive ability.

Beachfan

Ed,

I would bet the ranch my DH doesn’t know me anymore.  I used to say that he didn’t know me, but knew I was supposed to be there. Nowadays, I don’t think he even knows me as someone who is supposed to be there.  For the last year at least, I could come and go and there was no reaction from DH.  No fear, no puzzled look, no smile, no spark of recognition or relief.  Although it was a gut punch at first, I’m over the hurt and sadness now.  It made placing DH in a MCF somewhat easier.  ( And yet, several weeks ago, I said, “Do you have a wife?”  Out of the blue, he said, “Yeah, she’s pretty.”). Nothing since……

Farm Gal

Beachfan,  I have noticed that with my husband in the last few weeks.  It never dawned on me that in that moment he didn't know me.  I can be gone for 3-4 hours running errands and at times when I get home I speak with the caregiver but he sits in his recliner and doesn't acknowledge me at all.  After I am there for 30 minutes or so he will make a comment about where have I been.  I know he forgets that I have left but didn't realize he could be forgetting me.  

Sometimes during the day he will call me by name when he usually says "honey" when talking to me and I have thought in those times he was trying to remember my name by using it.  

Quite a mystery.  

mrl

I remember before my DH was non-verbal, I asked him "What is your name?" He replied with

a booming toddler voice "TOM-TOM LEE"!!! I said yes, that's right. What is my name? He

hesitated just for a second then said "My Baby" I said yes that's right too

Michele