DH has completely forgotten who DS is

JoseyWales

I finally have to admit that DH doesn't know who DS is anymore, and the memory isn't coming back. DS is 21 - we adopted him when he was just 9 months old. DS and DH did so much together, and as we were a tiny bit older parents, we were lucky and had the ability to spend more time together as a family doing things as DS grew up. 

Last year - during Covid - DS lived at home and did college on-line. He cared for DH about 50% of the time I was at work. This year DS is back to living on campus. DH has completely forgotten who he is. He remembers his SON, and is constantly asking where he is.  But, when DS comes home, DH is suspicious of him and has no ability to connect this grown adult to the son in his memory. He gets angry that DS is in the house, tells me "that guy" is bad and is going to steal things and kill us. 

Of all the things dementia has taken from us, this is has to be the worst.

M1

Josie that is crushing I’m sure. The same is happening here, my partner doesn’t remember my kids or her own nieces and nephews any more. Her great nephew was here yesterday (whom she loves) but she couldn’t remember who his parents were and doesn’t remember his brother at all. Hard to watch.

Jimbob59

My mother does not know who I am, I have been with her 24 hours a day for the last 7 years. She doesn't recognize her home of 60 years and wants to go home, everyday she  ask when Jimmy is coming to get her and Jimmy is me.

Quilting brings calm

Josey -  I am so sorry it has come to this.  It must be so hard for your son at the age he is.  I think it would be easier for someone at my age ( 60s) to deal with than for someone his age.  I hope he understands that this is the result of a damaged brain, and that it happens to biological children just as much as adopted ones.  

I know this is hard on you too.  You are no longer able to celebrate your sons’ successes(or conversely share your worries when your son has a bad day ) with your spouse.   

Are you still planning placement in January? 

French

Josey, I am sincerely sorry.

JoseyWales

Quiltingbringscalm - yes, the plan is still late January. I wish I could move it up, but really can't.

Today was a disaster. He got upset at his caregiver and I had to leave work after less than an hour. I think that's the end of this caregiver - she can't manage his behaviors any longer. 

I don't think he knew me when I got home. That's scary since he's with me every day.

Ed1937

I'm sorry for those of you who are dealing with this. I wish I had a magic wand. I'd use it for all of us.

Beachfan

How sad, Josie.  This non-recognition is the hardest aspect of this disease that my kids deal with.  I can see the hurt in their eyes every time.  I’m beyond it, but it breaks my heart to see them sad.  I hope things go smoothly for you for your DH’s eventual placement.  It will be so much better when you and DS can be loving family instead of exhausted caregivers.  You have certainly put your time in and deserve some rest.