Wedding ring(1)

60 falcon

I just noticed she wasn't wearing her wedding ring.  The engagement ring is still on her finger but the wedding ring is gone.  I sure as hell hate every bit of this disease.  Of course she doesn't realize it's gone or even care that it's missing.  That she doesn't care is almost unbelievable to me.  She likely took it off herself because I'm almost certain it wasn't loose enough to have fallen off.  Maybe it'll show up, but where do I even begin to look for something small like this when she doesn't have a working brain and loses it/puts it somewhere?  I have no idea where to look and don't have the energy to tear the house apart looking for it.  It's probably here because I'm sure I saw it on her in the last day or two. Unless she put it in something that was put in the garbage.?.?

I just can't believe she's not upset and doesn't care.  It just adds to the disappointment and hurt of her not knowing who I am, not knowing this is her home, and on, and on, and on.

JoseyWales

Oh no. You're probably right - she probably took it off and set it somewhere. Hopefully you'll find it in some odd place. 

But, I know that feeling of being hurt by the fact that something that should be important just isn't to our LOs.

M1

60falcon, I have a long list of things that have gone missing and that I figure will turn up some day when I clean out the house to sell it. But certainly none of the things I’m missing has the sentimental value of a wedding ring. I’m so sorry, I can imagine the emotional pain that inflicts, it just adds insult to injury.

Right now we’re missing a telephone, a $200 bottle of 180 Celebrex tablets, and two pairs of glasses.

JJ401

Hopefully, the wedding ring turns up. When it does don’t give it back to her. You probably should remove the engagement ring too. If you think she’d notice not having any rings get a cheap ring and replace it.

My latest lost item story: Early this fall we went on (our last) trip. DH is still self sufficient with ADLs so I wasn’t paying close enough attention that morning. We wore our masks from leaving the house until we got to our destination (required as we used a car service and flew). We went to visit friends for the first part of the trip. We get to the friends’ and DH smiles widely when he sees them. Oops. His top partial plate is missing. No idea if he left in at home or in an airport bathroom. When we come home we search for a couple of days with no luck so I call the dentist to have a new one made. They give him a Monday appointment. Sunday I go to the store for about an hour. When I come home he is wearing the partial. “Where did you find it”, I ask. “I always had it”, was the reply. Monday morning I cancel the appointment.

I have no idea where it was or how he found it. I’m just glad it turned up. I’m glad we went on the trip. One of the friends is not able to travel any longer. This was most likely the last time we will see him. But, while DH did, and still does, well at home, travel was very disorienting and I highly doubt we will travel again.

Buggsroo

60 Falcon,

I can’t imagine how sad and hurt you feel, that your wife has misplaced her wedding ring. Hopefully, you will find it in the house and can keep it close to your heart. Your wife, as she was is still alive in your heart and that is important. 

I am grateful for the fact, that my husband has no idea that he is no longer the person he once was. It is really hard on the caregivers, but I know if I was aware of losing my ability to think, make decisions etc. was compromised; I’d be devastated.

I am sorry for your sadness, this disease stinks.

Jeff86

I know it doesn’t help to affirm that it’s not her fault that she doesn’t realize the significance of not wearing her wedding ring…it’s just hurtful, it’s a huge loss.

 
I found DW’s wedding ring on the floor one day, a couple of months ago.  With the AD, she has lost weight and the ring is now too loose.  I put the ring away for safekeeping.  DW has no awareness that she no longer wears it, doesn’t miss it, doesn’t remember its symbolic value.

Sigh….

nancyj194

I am sorry the ring is missing. Hopefully it will turn up. 

My DH has lost two wedding rings. He wanted to go buy another after the last loss, but I said no and he didn't argue about it. 

He has a large gold ring with two diamonds in it, he was given for an anniversary gift from his former place of employment, that he wears for a wedding ring. That came up missing once, but I did find it under a chair at my mothers. We were there visiting at the time. 

He asks for it when we go to a family gathering, so I do give it to him to wear and put it away once we are home again. 

Kevcoy

I have a twist on the missing wedding ring.  I usually put mine on the upper tier of my kitchen window when I do dishes and or prepare food.  The other day I looked and it wasn't there.  I asked DH if he knew what happened to it.  He said he was worried someone would come in, see it there and take it.  We searched and searched the usual hiding places with no luck.  The next day when I was at the grocery store I was unrolling my reusable bag and heard a clink in my cart and there was my ring.  It must have slipped off when I was rolling up the bag.  I was so relieved to have found it but then felt bad for assuming right away my DH would have taken it.

Ed1937

Falcon, I'm sorry. Don't know what else to say.

60 falcon

Ha, I found it!  It was on the floor under her chair.  I guess I kind of freaked out and missed the obvious. I'm relieved and happy but at the same time I'm not.

Thanks everyone for your stories and support.  This morning, before finding the ring, I took the engagement ring off her finger and told her I was going to clean it for her.  There's no way her wedding ring fell off, they were really on there. So now I put them both away for safe keeping.  I also removed mine because I don't want her to maybe see mine and accuse me of being married to someone else. Maybe that's just me being paranoid, but I see it as an argument avoided.

The sad and disappointing part of this remains.  She still doesn't seem to notice or care that she's not wearing those rings.  My love for her has been tested to the max a few times over the last thirty years and I'm not exactly sure where it is today.  There is no doubt that I'm extremely committed and devoted to her.  It did, and does, hurt that she is at the point that sentimental things like this don't matter to her anymore.  I know that so many of you can relate to that.

M1

Yay! Glad it turned up, and though it hurts now they might be important talismans for you later. My treasured possession of my father's is his phi beta kappa key, which I wear sometimes on a chain around my neck. Odd that it should be so dear, but it is. He died thanksgiving week and is always on my mind this time of year. But that's bye the bye.  Happy for you, we'll count this as a win!

White Crane

60Falcon,  it hurts so much when our loved ones don't seem to care about those things that were once so dear to them...and to us.  I am so sorry and can understand your hurt and sadness.  Te ring may turn up in an odd place.  I hope so.  Sending hugs.

ButterflyWings

Falcon! So glad you found it! I think you were wise to secure her engagement ring also.

My DH rummages and if he sees something (anything) that strikes his fancy in a drawer or on a counter or a shelf etc, it may end up in his pocket, a briefcase, a jar or anywhere. Please make sure she can’t locate and accidentally misplace them both, now!

Randomly, one day last summer I noticed my LO’s ring on the bathroom sink, just an accident waiting to happen. He didn’t usually remove it to wash his hands, and I was not accompanying him to the bathroom as I do now, so who knows. He was in a totally different room having completely forgotten it. I didn’t even mention it to him. Was just glad I spotted that special sentimental keepsake before it slipped down the drain or something. That day I just slipped it on for safekeeping and since then I wear both our wedding bands, DH’s on my index finger. It fits fine and matches my rings. 

It was months before he missed his ring & I assured him he hadn’t lost it but had asked me to wear it for safekeeping. He accepted that. Then, last month while rummaging he found a costume jewelry (kid’s souvenir) ring and put it on his ring finger. Touching — made me smile that he thought of it as a wedding band and (kind of) remembered He took it off a few times though it fit ok, and who knows where it is now. Glad I secured the real one. It means so much with everything else we are losing.

nancyj194

Congratulations Falcon for finding the ring! Whew!!

A great idea to put them away for safe keeping and not wearing yours.

My DH does pay attention if I am wearing mine, so I rarely wear it because he then wants his.

Ed1937

Falcon, I'm glad you found the ring, and have it for safekeeping. I just checked my wife's jewelry box. Found 9 or 10 ring boxes. Not 1 ring, and she is not wearing any.

David J

The first ring I had to put away was a custom ring I had made for our 40th anniversary. She wore it on her left ring finger with her wedding band, but I kept finding it around the house. Next, her diamond ring was removed when she went into memory care. She lost a lot of weight and her rings were all too large. Her wedding band is as on her index finger, probably because it wouldn't stay on her ring finger. I couldn’t get it off, but one day at the MCF, I was able to slip it off and take it home. She has no rings and no bracelets and doesn’t seem to miss any of them. I still wear my wedding band, the only jewelry I can tolerate.

Joydean

Falcon, so very happy for you that you found the ring!  To me my wedding rings are a reminder of the long ago day my husband placed it on my finger. The dreams we had, the excitement of our new love, working together to make those dreams come to life, the joy of holding our babies, and growing old together. Alzheimer’s was not in those dreams, but now here it is. I will be fighting it every day for him.

Vitruvius

I no longer wear my wedding ring. I had to take it off shorty after DW stopped recognizing me as her husband, although she accepts me as some she is comfortable having around. Early on one day she noticed my wedding ring and became somewhat puzzled by it. She wanted to know who I was married to and since I was married to someone else why was I with her. I dodged the discussion somehow and decided it would be better to just take it off and avoid any consternation on her part. She still occasionally asks me if I have a girlfriend and I always say yes it’s you. She smiles takes this as a joke. 

DW was also prone to taking her rings off and leaving them various places so I did what others here did and quietly collected them and store them for safe keeping. She has never noticed them missing and has never asked about them.