When is the right time for AL/MC?

GolfnutCA

My wife is 55 and was diagnosed 2+ years ago.  She's stopped driving.  Our relationship has gone to heck because we fight a lot.  She drinks a ton (I had to lock all the alcohol in my home office), and she gets very argumentative.  The woman I loved is gone.  Not a lot of love left on my side.

Thanksgiving was a challenge.  She was awake for about 30 minutes after the guests got there, then went to bed.  We woke her up for dinner, she ate, didn't say much, then went back to bed.

Friday night I went out for a bite and came back, house was dark, but she had left the gas fireplace on, but no flame.  The house was full of gas.

I went with my son and toured some AL/MC facilities.  She is so young compared to the other guests and the MC wards are really depressing.  

People tell me to bring in outside help to the house but I don't think that will help much.  In general, she sleeps a lot.  I work from the home so she's not much of a bother during the day. It's at night when she sundowns that she gets challenging.  I blame myself too because I have little if any patience and things can escalate.

The frustrating thing is I was all convinced it was time to move her and today she seems clear as a bell.

Any advice on when the right time for AL/MC is?  

Ed1937

Here is a thread from a couple of days ago. https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147558956  

Gig Harbor

The alcohol issue will be a problem. Depending on how much she drinks now she would likely develop DT’s if she were to go to memory care and have no alcohol. Can you water down her alcohol and get her down to a minimum intake? Have you thought about having a companion come in 2-3 days a week in the evenings? Getting out by yourself to have a quiet dinner, join a club, go bowling or see a movie might take some of the stress off your daily life. Most larger cities have Newcomers Clubs that offer tons of fun things to do. You don’t have to be a newcomer to join. You might be able to find or start a dementia spouse group. In order to survive to emerge from this horrible illness you have to be proactive and be good to yourself.

Tattooed Nana

MC or AL - This is an ongoing concern for me. My husband is 71 and is an adult with autism. He has always had processing delays, memory loss, and impaired executive function. Last year his psychiatrist tested his memory and diagnosed Mild Cognitive Impairment and I was recognized as his caregiver. He does not have Alzheimer's as far as we know, but now that he is retired and home all the time I see even more how dysfunctional he is becoming. 

He went on a 10 day vacation in October to visit his siblings and travel some US parks, and it was the best 10 days I've had in years. I was peaceful, productive, and I liked myself. Now that he is back I find myself driven to the brink over and over, and I hate myself for being impatient and angry all the time. We've been together 15 years, and I feel as though I have been his caregiver that entire time because of the autism. My job as caretaker is just getting harder and I need help because I can't count on him to remember or follow through on anything, even though he insists he is fully capable. It's reached the point that I am afraid to leave him alone with the dog.

His psychiatrist recommended this site, and I am glad to have people with similar concerns to confide in. I just feel as though we're going to have to get him into some kind of MC day program soon for my wellbeing as well as his. I'm so afraid that some day I will lose my mind completely and get called up for elder abuse. It's not his fault he's like a child, but it's not mine either.

I would just like to feel like myself again.

Appreciate you all being here.

Iris L.

Tattooed Nana wrote:

 My job as caretaker is just getting harder and I need help because I can't count on him to remember or follow through on anything, even though he insists he is fully capable. It's reached the point that I am afraid to leave him alone with the dog.

Please read about anosognosia.  It is a prominent characteristic of the dementias, although it can be found in other neurologic diseases, such as stroke.  I don't know about autism, are they self-aware?

PWDs (persons with dementia) truly believe they are fine.  They see no need for doctors, medications or changes in their usual routine.  If you try to confront them with reality, they will resist and become upset.  You will have to learn work-arounds from the members.

PWDs with anosognosia have no safety awareness.  YOU will have to develop tactics for safety concerning the dog, the stove and driving and everything else. 

Iris L.