memory loss(1)

Davegrant

     My DW has exhibited short term memory loss since the beginning of this journey but in the last couple of months the memory loss has gotten shorter and often she repeats questions that she asked a few minutes ago. This week there appears to be a further worsening of memory in that she is not recognizing clothing as hers when she has had the same winter coat for several years. Her questions are "where/when did we get this? "How long have we had this coat ?" "This is not mine." My DW ended up wearing an old summer coat that was back in the closet even though the temperature was freezing. She was safe because the car was pre-heated but it was the failure to recognize that caused me the alarm. Young children wear far less these days. 

     So, now in addition to the loss of her purse and money several times a week she is not recognizing familiar object in the house. I am not sure how to handle these situations. Any thoughts. Her PP prescribed a memory pill several months ago and that did not appear to make a difference. So we discontinued it.

     My initial reaction was saddness as I experienced the decline but now I am wondering how to handle these situations.  

Thanks

 Dave         

Rick4407

Good Morning Dave Grant,  My DW started those many months ago.  I put away her purses, out of sight & out of mind.  When she occasionally asks to take one I say "you don't need one this trip" and here's your hat/gloves or whatever, to distract.   Clothing is almost never recognized.  I have reduced her closet to 4-5 shirts and 2-3 jackets.  So the choices are limited.   I also say "you haven't worn it in a long time, but it is yours".   I will frequently say when she "forgets" something "yes, we are getting old, I forget a lot of things too". 

My point is to normalized her loss of memory so she does not look at it as anything out of normal.   Getting in the car I always reach in and and fasten her seatbelt saying "it's complicated sometimes".   

It does not ever get any better.  Good luck, Rick

Rick4407

P.S.

Further, much of her clothing has gone away "forever".  High heel shoes, dresses, skirts, things with small buttons. fancy underwear, etc, etc, etc.   Her wardrobe is pretty much sweat suits, pajama jeans from Amazon, and pull on tops.  Her jewelry was all collected and put in the safe a year or two ago.  She has some costume jewelry she occasionally plays with.  Bathroom drawers were gone through.  Any product I did not recognize or thought could be dangerous (fingernail polish or remover) was discarded.  Any food I did not want fed to the dog, chocolate, etc., we no longer keep in the house. 

It is very much like "child proofing" in the extreme. Rick     

Rescue mom

All the things Rick said. I had to learn to not expect DH to remember anything, and not ask “do you remember..” about our past. I had to handle it, however caused the least upset and without making a big deal out of him not remembering. 

Anything important or valuable had to be hidden. He does not remember what’s important or valuable—and he sure doesn’t remember where he puts anything.

It’s hard, and as he said, it does not get better. But you learn, or get used to it. Ditto to how it’s much like dealing with a toddler. I had a big learning curve on how many things we do is 99 percent memory—and they’ve lost that.

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Gig Harbor

I have used a little different technique. I do correct my husband and I often let him know that he doesn’t remember like he used to. I tell him that his memory is disappearing but that I am here to be his memory. Early on I reasoned if he was mentally competent but had cancer we would talk about it. I have told him he is lucky to not have cancer, lung or heart problems. I have told him that he has to trust me when I tell him things. He has heard this so many times that he does believe me. He is starting to not recognize his own clothes and to not put clothes on in the right order. I laugh with him and say that he has to fix it because we want to look normal. So far it is working. He knows his memory is bad so if I acted like it wasn’t I think it would be worse. So far he trusts me to do the right things for him. It sounds harsh but I do say that we both have to follow rules to live in our house and some of the rules involve showers and clean clothes every three days. He argues but does give in when I say house rules. I don’t know how long this will last but for now it works.

Iris L.

Davegrant wrote:

     

     So, now in addition to the loss of her purse and money several times a week she is not recognizing familiar object in the house. 

This is common, this is called agnosia, not being able to recognize things by the senses.  Not by sight, not by sound, not by touch, not by smell, not by taste.  PWDs will drink dangerous chemicals thinking it is a beverage, they don't recognize a bad taste or smell.  They leave their home and cannot find their way back home even though it may be only a block away--they just don't recognize anything.

Apraxia is inability to make constructive motions, such as not being able to put on a shirt or underwear or shoes. Or feed oneself or brush teeth.

Iris

Davegrant

Thanks to Rick and all for the helpful input. The situation caught me off guard emotionally as it was a new level of DW's memory loss , to me at least. It is so valuable to have this "connected " resource. This seems to be a disease of the "unexpected".

Stuck in the middle

I have gotten into the habit of running a mental checklist whenever we leave the house, restaurant, etc.  Eyeglasses?  Hearing aids?  Purse?  Cane?  Jacket?

It's a lot like when I was a Cub Scout leader, ca. 1980.  I was in such a habit of counting heads to be sure we weren't leaving someone that I found myself doing it when leaving lunch places with adult colleagues.

My wife doesn't carry money or credit cards, since she doesn't go out without me and doesn't pay for anything.  She still carries a purse, with hearing aid batteries, sunglasses, etc.  She carries her insurance cards, but I may change that pretty soon since she has left her purse a couple of times.

Stuck in the middle

Davegrant wrote:

This seems to be a disease of the "unexpected".

To me, it is like sleeping on a staircase.  Every so often, DW and I wake up on a lower step with new bruises.