One hallucination (?)

Rescue mom

I’m not even sure if this is a hallucination. Be forewarned, sex involved. But please bear with me…

My DH has been very docile, and very apathetic. But the last month or so  he’s increasingly angry, and accusing me of sex with strangers.

In the last week, he insists he “saw” me doing it, not right then, but earlier. (Yes he was tested yesterday for UTI and no) This is the only situation where he says he “saw” something that doesn’t exist. Is that a hallucination? not at the moment, but “remembering”? It’s the only thing he says he “saw.”

He’s extremely angry—but in 10-15 minutes he’ll be back to “normal” and denies everything.. I don’t get into much detail with him, but it’s like he doesn’t remember he was angry. He may NOT remember—except the next time it’s the same claims. He’s not angry about anything else, that I can tell.

I can’t figure out triggers, except the sight of any random male on the sidewalk, delivering packages, or in a magazine/TV picture, etc. He saw sons at Tgiving and they/that was fine.

It happened every few days a month ago, but now more frequent.

his doc hesitated on sedatives because fear of falling, and that’s a legit issue. I’m not even sure what to call this, and at least he has not hit me, but I think he might (taking all precautions). I thought about videos but it happens so fast and so random, and I’m thinking more about get-aways. But nobody I told, family and doc, doubts it.

Sorry I rambled, but any and all advice appreciated.

DrinaJGB

Some types of seizures can cause this kind of behavior. Or side effects of medications.

M1

RM I think it sounds more like a delusion than a hallucination, though that may be a semantic distinction.   The sexual nature of these is pretty common it seems.  Is he on any antipsychotics?  That may be where you're headed, particularly if it is becoming freqeunt enough to affect quality of life for both of you....

Lorita

Hi Rescue Mom,

 What about the TV shows he's watching?  Maybe monitor them (if he watching TV).  My mother had Alz. and she'd see things on TV and imagine they were real and happening.

 My neighbor has Alz. and she's been accusing her husband of all kinds of things. When she first started talking to me about it I just couldn't imagine him doing anything like that - finally realized it was the alz.  Seems like it's a pretty common thing.  That's one thing I didn't have to put up with.  I know it must be hard - try to redirect and I know that's also hard to do sometimes.

 Mother also imagined seeing people outside.  Even thought someone was looking through the windows at night - and, to her, it was a real as anything could have been.  We just can't imagine what they they're really going through. Guess in our minds we know a lot of it but in our heart it's hard to go through when it's happening to us.

Rick4407

May or may not help but I would recommend, recognition of his anger.  "That is really disturbing, I can't imagine it."  The redirect to a new object, "it was not me as I was in the living room, or wherever."  Try asking something, "call me if you see that again and we'll figure out who it is".   Rick

Iris L.

A delusion is a fixed false belief.  Treatment for delusions may be indicated if they are disturbing.  How disturbing is relative to patient and caregiver.

Iris

Mint

Thinking of you rescue mom and hope this phase will pass before too long.

harshedbuzz

Rescue mom-

I am so sorry that you and your poor DH are living this.

My dad went through a phase in his dementia during which he was convinced my mother was out having sex with other men. It was awful for them both- he would accuse her in the crudest and most aggressive manner possible (typically he'd say "he knew" or "that she was seen" and offered significant details- when, where, etc.). He'd tell me the same tales with tears in his eyes. This was in the middle stages before his anosognosia became complete. I had a sense that his accusations came from a place of anxiety and a feeling of vulnerability. 

Or perhaps his accusation was a conflated memory in which he projected his own failings as a faithful partner in the marriage on her in much the same was he recalled me as the troubled of their 2 children when it was my sister. Or maybe it came from the crime dramas he'd watch with my mother; he often absorbed the plotlines and would tell me really crazy stories about being kidnapped and raped until she stopped watching them when he was awake. 

One thing that did seem to help was when my uncle or I would remind him how much my mom loved him and would never have eyes for another since she was married to such a smart, handsome and wonderful man. I laid it on thickly and it settled him. FWIW, it didn't work if my mom protested and said all of the things I did, so when he got worked up she's call me and I'd call his phone or swing by for a visit. Fortunately, for us, this did pass in a matter of months. Unfortunately, the next phase was all about him accusing us of swindling him which wasn't much better but that also passed with time and progression.  he got stuck on the notion that I made a bad deal selling one of his homes for $350K less than it was worth (this is the exact amount of loss I found in his investments as a result of him day-trading I later discovered). One time I apologized and said I would never do it again as is so often suggested here; I did not expect that it would work. He accepted the apology and his mood improved instantly.

HB

Pam BH

Rescue Mom, I wish I had answers for you. I don't but I can commiserate with you because I've been living this same delusion for a year now. You're not alone and as other people have said, it's pretty common which in a strange way was comforting to me. Started with much anger, detailed vulgar descriptions of what he "saw" and "knew", etc., plans of how he would cope when I "left him."  At first it was devastating to me because I thought it was the end of our great love for each other, but after several months I realized it was probably caused by his fear of losing me in his mind and that helped my stress greatly. The doc prescribed him Zoloft and memantine. Although I don't know, I think it's the Zoloft that's tamped down the anger and anxiety that comes with the delusions. He still has them but they're not as devastating to him. Had to increase the Zoloft after 6 months because the anxiety started to increase and they're now back to bearable. He has many, many other delusions that I can validate and redirect, but this one is harder to do. It's an awful disease.