Respite Care?

denver pamo

My DH is 67.  Almost 2 years ago he was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment.  In that time, I have observed a marked decline in his memory and cognitive processing.  In addition, he has been diagnosed with a number of other medical issues that are really limiting his activities.  He is currently dealing and being treated with permanent Afib.  I am finding that I have to watch what he does and keep track of everything.  A rare day goes by that there is not something wrong with him or that he has not lost or broken something.  Yesterday it was his chromebook.  Another day it was his phone, etc.  I prepare his pills each day and despite putting his pills out by his food for breakfast, he took the pills that were to be taken at night.  Pretty much all household chores now fall on me.  This leads to my questions.

We have always been travelers. I can see that the types and length of travel that I will be able to do with him will be limited.  I have also traveled a lot to exotic places with my friends. We have no children and I have limited family support but do have supportive friends.  

When we have traveled together, I have paid a friend to house sit and care for my pets.  This couple says that if I go out of town that they would stay and care for my husband. However, I am wondering if that is too much to ask.  So, my first question is regarding respite care.  This situation is stressful and I feel I really need to take some time for myself a few times a year to keep my sanity.  I am looking for any recommendations for respite care for him.  I am new to this so any guidance would be appreciated.  Thanks

Buggsroo

I can really relate to your post. I am a big fan of North Africa and have gone there a number of times. I am in the midst of dealing with my husband and his dementia. I have saved my money to travel but am content wait longer to travel with no masks etc. 

Respite is important, it is nice that your friends want to help you, but if something were to happen that the couple could not handle and you were out of the country, well your trip would be cut short. Maybe there is a memory care facility in your area, or an Alzheimer’s society that you could contact and get solid advice. A lot of people mean well, but caring for someone with dementia is a lot of work. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer here, possibly your friends could look after him for a few hours so you can catch a break, then they would get a clearer picture of what they are signing up for.

billS

Denver pamo I can also really relate to your post. I'm not interested in travel but just the downtime to get chores done at home without constant interruption. I am also seeing the day fast approaching when I will need to place my wife in memory care. Next week I have an appointment to tour one that offers "respite stays" of a few days to a week. That idea is very attractive to me as she would be under constant watch and care, and get to interact with staff and other patients. Then when the day comes for her to move in permanently it would not be such an abrupt transition.

Rescue mom

This hit hard; travel was what we did, all over the world. Both for fun and for our jobs. DH Alzheimer’s ended that. Here’s my experience(s) with that:

Some here did travel with impaired LOs. I personally was not strong enough for the constant vigilance, and doing/keeping up with  *everything* for both of us. He also became upset/agitated in “new” surroundings, even places we’d been many times before. 

He was much worse, and harder to handle, away from home. I simply could not do it alone.

Some here traveled successfully with friends/family to help with LO. If they can and will, that’s terrific. The friends who went with us, were great—for about 2 days. Then they found that accommodating a PWD was not what they wanted to do on their vacations. 

Your friends who volunteered to stay with him at home sound like a gift from Heaven, and I would be so grateful. But if they have not done this before, you may want to try them first on a short trip, when you go just 1-2 nights. They may find that 24/7 caregiving is different than they  expected. But if it works, that’s fantastic.

Having him stay at a facility for short-term respite also works for many people. It’s expensive, but may be the only alternative. Have you used adult daycare, even for just a day, to see how he handles a new place and people? Many love it. Some are like my DH and get upset in new places. Facility staff are trained for that, but they may have rules about how much “upset” they will handle.. You could start calling places now, to find which will do it, and and what rules/regs they have. Many require lots of advance notice, regardless. And not every facility will do short-term like this.

Like you, I would be even crazier if I was stuck with no trips possible. Thankfully we have family who will help on occasion. But not being able to travel is very very hard. DHs fear/dislike of new places/people is an additional wrinkle for us, but not for everybody.

Gig Harbor

In my area of the Pacific NW respite care is available at $250 a day. Some facilities want a two week minimum and others will do one day at a time.