Car accident - mine

Quilting brings calm

Update in comments. 12-9-21

I was in a car accident today several hours ago. As a result I am still in the ER six hours later.  CT done.  Compressed fracture of T1.  I can walk etc.  Brace - neck and thoracic extension on.  Can’t drive until it comes off - probably six weeks.  

My parents do not know yet. They are in assisted living so they will be safe.  Dad can still drive.  But my mom is going to be totally freaked out if I tell her.  It will be a multiple times daily phone  discussion since her short term Memory is shot. Even  if I don’t tell them, she will be upset and anxious because i won’t be visiting and I will have to send them to the doctor by themselves. 

Dad has that intake visit at the geriatric psychiatrist coming up in a month.  I wanted to go with, but now that won’t work out I’m not about to ride as a  passenger in his car. .  So not sure how useful that will be 

Suggestions for keeping my mom calm for six weeks?  We just got her anxiety and depression leveled out a few weeks ago. 

? 

M1

Oh I am so sorry. I have no particularly helpful ideas about your parents-except that if you have sibs (I don’t remember honestly) this may be the time for them to step up. Take care of yourself, it’s likely to be painful for a while. There’s always a shock factor too…

abc123

Dear QBC, I'm so sorry! I hope you have a quick recovery, at least emotionally. I'm so sorry! I follow you so I realize what you are up against with your parents. I wish I had words of wisdom to share but I do not. You will be in my prayers. Have you tried medical marijuana for mom? I can't remember. This is just downright awful. Please keep us posted. Try to take it easy and put yourself first right now.

ninalu

Hi Quilting,

I'm so sorry about your accident. 

Regarding the next ~6 weeks: can you do FaceTime "visits" with some fiblets about where you are and why you can't visit? Maybe there's someone who can help coordinate the FaceTime visits? I did this with my mom when her facility was shut down for Covid reasons and it helped bridge the distance far better than I expected it to. 

Wishing that you recover fully and can rest during this time. 

Quilting brings calm

Thank you all,  first, I am on my way home now.  This could have  been much worse as I was t-boned and rolled the car.  I got the ticket.  Thought I had a green arrow/ police officer  said I didn’t.

Second, my Mom called multiple times while I was in the ER and my spouse kept telling her I was busy. Her first question when I called her was - what’s wrong.  She is still with it sometimes.  So I told her and got it over with. She accidentally hung up on me twice and put me on mute once while I was on the phone.  

Group response below: 

The FaceTime is a good idea.  Since I have already told her about the brace ( goes up to my chin and down to my waist) ,  her  reaction won’t be as bad.  I don’t think the facility would allow the cigarette form of marijuana.  It’s totally legal here, but the smell…. I might try an edible for her, if I thought she could manage the dosages. 

I’m going to call my step brother tonight.  He’s not speaking to my dad. But he will still have to step up if  they end up in the ER for something. 

Our younger son came over from 3.5 hours away as soon as my spouse called him.  So he driving us home since my spouse can’t drive after dark.  The  will go get my spouse’s truck tomorrow..  He will be here through the weekend.  It’s possible that our older son will be here next weekend.  So they can detour to my parents place while they are home to visit too.  Younger son is already planning on going out there tomorrow.  He plans on checking in with the LPN at the AL and telling her about my situation too. . 

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ButterflyWings

Quilting- OMG how scary! We are wishing you a full, speedy recovery! 

I had a fender bender several months ago— my fault, and fortunately no one was hurt. But will cost me a few thousand when it’s all done. This was a wake up call for me, of how distracted and sleep deprived my 24/7 caregiving has caused me to be. I made a maneuver that just isn’t something I’d normally do (while half-paying attention to my backseat driver DH). We don’t get out at all now, so that’s one silver lining at least. 

Our brains and judgment can be on overload or autopilot without even realizing it. I’m so sorry this happened to you! Very glad it wasn’t even worse. Thinking of you. 

Quilting brings calm

== Your insurance company may check on this if enough money involved. Would help you fight the ticket also.==

Oh, I’m sure they will check. The car has damage externally everywhere.  Spouse went to the body shop today.  even the oil and transmission drained out  for some reason. All the air bags deployed.  

Our county will automatically offer you supervision for the ticket if you are eligible.  It’s a mandated court appearance. The  police officer says the car that turned left before I did stopped and told him that I did not have right of  way. Butterfly- I think your description of auto pilot is probably correct.  I wasn’t doing anything that would increase my risk, but I  possibly had been thinking of my parents, Christmas present ideas, etc. 

My dad is still ok to drive according to his PCP etc.he had a minor car accident a few months ago in full view of a police officer. Accident  was not his fault according to the police officer. I just have not ridden  with him for quite a while and don’t want to .  The appointment is out of  the AL local transport range. Truthfully I don’t want to be with my step dad for several hours, driving or not.  Especially not when I am hurting.   So this just gives me a reason not to go. 

 My spouse and son are at the AL right now explaining my condition to the director.   He might offer to take him even though it’s out of the transport range. 

I called my step- brother.  He still  doesn’t want any contact with his dad.  Even if he did, he told me he has his own health issue going on- lung cancer.  Sounds like he will be ok when his treatment plan is finished.  I realized this morning that I can have my parents doctor order home  health for my parents if needed. 

abc123

Dear QBC, just checking in on you. I hope you are feeling as well as possible and getting to rest without being disturbed constantly. I also hope you will be able to have a peaceful recovery. You are in my prayers. Hope to hear an update from you soon.

Quilting brings calm

abc- Thank  you for asking.  

My mom is texting, but not too much and is not calling me.She's now calling my sister, who lives several hours away.  Who then calls me.  She’s bothering me at the moment.  Another family member who wants life to be all about her. She got mad when I didn’t call her back this weekend. She is not concerned about me.  She wants someone to listen to her for an hour at a time. 

I checked in with the AL director this morning.  I don’t think the office staff had communicated my situation to him, even though they were asked to.  Everything is fine there. 

My spouse is at his wits end in terms of caregiving.  He has health issues, doesn’t drive at night and it makes it hard to do everything.  He helped me shower yesterday and he and a neighbor tried to change the pads on the brace to the replacement pads we’d been given. They were not the right pads  so it was not good.  We visited the brace office this morning and got it all straightened out.  I now have this brace and a shower brace so that the pads on the main brace won’t get wet and won’t need changed as often. I asked the brace company if we could have home health out to help with changing the pads and with my showers etc.they said no because home health isn’t trained.  But they won’t come to the house themselves.  They think we can handle it.  My spouse does not feel that he can and I certainly can’t.  So no shower now until I see the back doctor and we chat again. 

I am miserable because I am so restricted in movement that I can’t do anything.  Just writing out a check was an ordeal because I can’t look down or from side to side.  No bending or twisting.  I’m sore but the pain now is mostly from this brace itself

Cynbar

Quilting, call your PCP's office and ask them to order a home health (visiting nurse) evaluation. They will send someone to your house to see if you qualify. Sounds to me like you could benefit from a nurse checking in on you, and/or a physical therapist. If one of those is approved, you then could also get home health aide visits to help with bathing, dressing, light housekeeping. Either the nurse or the PT should be able to help with the brace, as well. Sounds like it would be worth checking into, even if just to take some of the burden off your spouse. The brace company is not the decision maker here, it's the insurance company who decides if you qualify.

Quilting brings calm

Thank you Cynbar.  I agree I should ignore the brace company’s thoughts since they were not willing to perform the function themselves.

martadydaz000

Oh I am so sorry for you

Quilting brings calm

Latest update-  parents got their covid boosters on Monday.  Today my step dad tested positive for covid.  He’s number six currently at the facility. I found out today that the company owning this facility and others has begun testing twice weekly because it’s present in some of their locations.  I assume my mom will test positive in a few days( negative today).  They are isolated in their apartment for 14 days.  This isolation will be difficult for both of them.  Her especially with her dementia.  It will cause a probable decline in function for her even if she doesn’t get the virus. 

Of course, the immediate and bigger concern is that he or she will not have a mild case.  Thyroid cancer nodules in his lungs, COPD.  Both of them are in their 80s.  She was recently diagnosed with non specific fibrosis in her lungs, but isn’t on any treatment until a lung function test in the spring. 

Here I sit in a chin guard, neck, chest and back brace.  Unable to move much other than to stand, sit, lie down, and walk ( thankfully)  unable to drive.  

Edited to add:  the  newish director at the AL called mr.  Found out they have known for over a week that there was Covid in the building. They just didn’t contact family members of all the residents to tell them. Nor did they test everyone until today. My son went to visit my parents  on my behalf a week ago tomorrow.  That would not have happened if I  had been told anyone living or working there had COVID. My son is vaccinated, but still…  Also the director isn’t closing the building to visitors.  Seriously? 

Quilting brings calm

Update 12-22-21

Step-dad made it through covid with no symptoms.  Mom never tested positive.  Staff took care of their groceries while they were in isolation.  They are off isolation.  No further cases there.  Residents can go back to the dining room tomorrow. Still having a few issues with communication with the new director, new office manager and new nurse.  

Mom tried to stop calling me so much after my accident and started texting.  That worked for about a week.  Now it’s a mix of texting  and up to 3-4 calls a day.  I’m forced to tell her to take her concerns about her phone, voice mails etc to the staff because I can’t come out there and do anything for her. At least one or two calls a day are because she has herself worked up worrying about me. 

My spouse took Christmas gifts there this  week ( one each for Christmas party, one each to be delivered by Santa early Christmas morning). 

Got a text from mom tonight.  Dad wants to cancel the doctor appointment that is supposed to be at the psychiatrist office. The one that is supposed to address his inappropriate behavior, paranoia and belief that insects reside in his body.it’s in two weeks so I texted mom we’d deal with it after Christmas.I can’t force him to go, I can’t even drive him there right now.  I’m not not going to spend hours getting there, at the appointment and getting back while I am in this brace.  I can’t even write the doctor a letter in this condition and the office already  refused to accept one unless it was given that day anyway. 

Cobalt

So so so sorry to hear!  Suddenly our own problems here seem to be nothing at all compared to what you are dealing with.  Glad your son has been such a good help.  Days must be long for you:  can't stop thinking of "what next", right?  I'll be thinking of you.

Quilting brings calm

Thank you Cobalt.  However all you who are or have been 24/7 caregivers are the ones who have my admiration and awe.  I’m well aware I’m still much earlier in this journey than many of you, with loved ones much older than many here.  I may yet avoid dealing with later stages just due to my parents expected  life spans. 

 I’ve resolved to find gratitude and contentment for a few minutes every day when I get out of this brace. With  new understanding of people with movement restrictions.  Your son being one of them.