Looking for response suggestions

Buck2020

Evening folks,

My mom recently moved to AL and will say she doesn’t know where she is and not sure what she’s supposed to be doing. I wanted to see if there were any suggestions to help ease her mind and be more relaxed. I’ve tried a few answers and she’ll nod ok but it doesn’t satisfy her very much. Thanks

sandwichone123

Teepa Snow has some videos about this, if you like videos. She's well-regarded and very experienced. In general, I advise addressing the emotion rather than the facts of the statement.

So if the PWD (person with dementia) says, "what am I supposed to be doing?" I might hear that as boredom and/or anxiety and try to come up with activities. "Let's go to the day room and see if they're playing BINGO yet."

If they said, "I don't know where I am," I might hear that as them not feeling safe/at home and try to provide some comfort. "Look, here's your favorite pillow (stuffed animal, doll, snack). You are ok here and they will bring your supper soon," or whatever may be comforting to them.

UnusedScreenName

When my father told me plaintively over the phone (he was in an independent living facility in Illinois, I was in California) that if someone didn't tell him what to do in the morning, he didn't know what he needed to do that day, I took that as the cue that the time had arrived (I knew it was eventually coming) for him to move back in with me and my husband. That was two years ago, and it was the right decision for him and for us, although it might not be the right decision for you.

 Dad had stayed with us for 7 months following his first, unsuccessful, attempt at staying in an independent living facility near me after my mother died in 2012.  Since then, he had successfully lived in four different independent living facilities (starting in the assisted living wing of the first one, until an independent apartment opened up) in three different states, to be near my siblings.  I have his POA and health care POA and had been communicating with him regularly by phone and trying to coordinate his health care in Illinois (a nightmare), and I had set up a remote connection to his computer so I could help him with his ever increasing difficulties using it.  My brother (successor POA for a while) and my brother-in-law (husband of a sister with MS, near whom Dad was living at the time) shared responsibility with me for dealing with the independent living facility Dad was living in in Illinois on a day-to-day basis, and with the company he rented furniture from.  So I had a pretty good idea of how he was doing functionally. 

 Dad is extremely intelligent and was always able to juggle multiple balls simultaneously and keep them all in the air, and it was distressing to him when he no longer could keep track of anything.  He and I are the most alike of any of my siblings, and my brother and I have the closest relationship to him and also are the best situated to help him.  And I have a medical background and a spouse who likes Dad and is very supportive, so I'm the logical choice for this role.

Rebeccah