It is getting weird/nasty

Zaellan

My sister and I finally made the decison to move my mom to memory care.  My sister has power of attorney for finances.  Finances shouldn't be a problem (she had a nest egg).  Here is the weird part,  my stepbrother has power of attorney for medical issues and my uncle is the excutor of my mother's will, the two have been in contact, they have never had contact before.  In order for my mom to go to memory care, my stepbrother needs to sign off on several papers.  My stepbrother refuses sign any paperwork until the stepbrother, uncle and my sister have a zoom call to discuss "details".   The memory care facility will eat into the money they will get from the will.   But in my mind, that is what the money is for.  Could my stepbrother and uncle stop the move to the memory care facility?  

My mom is on board for the move.  She even requested it.

What "details" could be so important?  My sister is very good with money and wouldn't make this move if it wasn't in budget. Could they think that my sister didn't think the finances through and somehow they would be responsible?

I don't know..

UnusedScreenName

Well, I don't know your family, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it's all about the money. 

 The person with POA for health care has a legitimate reason to want information about the facility that will be providing memory care, such as how the facility handles acute medical issues, contacts for on-site physicians and nursing unit, and what the options are for managing medications, reassessments of need level, decubitus prevention, and the like.  The executor of the will has a legitimate reason to want information about how the facility will be paid, what assets will be used and whether or not there are provisions in the will that cannot be executed if those assets are tied up, what expenses the estate will be liable for (and/or the executor will be personally responsible for if they are not paid from the estate) after she dies, the likelihood of assets being depleted and her eventually needing to go on Medicaid before she dies, and the like.

Rebeccah

Zaellan

@Rebeccah Thank you for the insight.  I had not thought about the issues you brought up before.

harshedbuzz

A couple of random thoughts-

1. IME, it's about the money 9 times out of 10. 

2. Uncle? As executor, he doesn't have a vote in your mom's affairs until she's dead. 

3. Mom did you dirty not assigning the financial and medical decision making to the same individual/team. Guardianship could be a way around that if the step-brother interferes with getting mom the level of care she requires. Consult a CELA regarding this option. 

4. A Zoom meeting? Are these two not local? Have they visited mom recently to get a sense of disease progression and care needs? Perhaps this meeting needs to be in person with a geriatric care manager moderating after they've done a few days of 24/7 visits with her.

5. Assuming it's about the money, because see #1, present a budget for in-home care at the same level. 24/7 agency help makes a MCF look like a relative bargain.

HB

Lor2014

Trust your gut. It's probably about money. And the executor should NOT be on the zoom call. He has no say in this.

After your zoom meeting, I would consult an attorney if you get any resistance to placing your mother in MC. Also, if they resist, I would tell the financial POA that he will need to visit your mother and make financial arrangements for a full-time live in care professional that can be paid...and let him know that the health POA will have to approve who he selects.

Actually, you may want to consult with an attorney before the zoom meeting to assess everyone's responsibilities and scope of decision making abilities.

dayn2nite2

The executor is for AFTER death.  Shouldn't even be involved in "life" decisions.

sunnydove

I agree with most of the other replies. Your mom's money is HER money. The will is of ZERO relevance while she is alive. If every last penny is spent keeping her comfortable and well-taken care of, then it's money well spent. It infuriates me when selfish family members express concern over what will be left for them. So selfish. How about thinking about and caring about your family member now while you still can. No one is entitled to anything of hers.