Telling mom(1)

Shonisko

thanks in advance, I recently got my mom diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We knew she had some for of dementia for the past two year. she married a guy a 5 years ago, i don't know him very well at all, but my mom keeps wanting to go home, she is home. /she don't beleive the guy she is with is her husband. Her real Husband is on a hunting trip so this guy is just "taking care" of her till he gets back. I guess my first question is, do i tell her she is diognosed with Alzheimer's??

Rescue mom

This is such a personal decision. Different people have different ideas about how or when, but the final decision is up to you.

But since you asked, here’s my experience /thoughts about it. ….from what you are describing, and the problems she has already, it doesn’t seem like there would be much point in telling her, because she probably won’t understand it anyway. It could still upset her, though, and for what reason? 

But many people think the LO should be told, once. No need to keep on, though, especially if it’s upsetting. It’s now all about how she is taken care of, because she can’t do it herself.

My DH has Alzheimer’s and the doctor(s) told him, and me together. DH just laughed it off, I was stunned but now think he did not understand what that meant, and forgot it 30 minutes later anyway. He readily admitted he’s “forgetful” or has “memory problems”, and that was enough, for him. Knowing a doc calls it Alzheimer’s doesn’t change much of how he acts, or what he needs done for him. He really doesn’t *need* to know that, although me/caregivers need it more.

Hopefully somebody has POA, DPOA, financial control, all those legalities handled. Maybe her new husband? But somebody will need those like yesterday, if not already done. And hopefully you trust him to care for her…because she already needs close careful supervision.

Shonisko

she does have POA set up and it is him, i am second on that, all finaces are under his control and his kids, i don't blame them for that, she went into relationship with nothing. I don't feel he knows how to medically take care of her and his answer is it will be ok. So i think my journey is going to be long and hard. I know right before her doctors appointment him and his kids had POA drawn up and she signed everything, i just dont know what "Everything" is.

She told me it was to make sure her dogs was taken care of, so that is where i am at.

JJ401

...she went into the relationship with nothing.

If this were my mom, there is none of her money being spent on others, and they are taking care of her, I'd ask the new husband how I could help. 

jfkoc

The reality is that to her she "is not at home" and her new husband is her caretaker. Hopefully she thinks he is doing a good job.